亲爱的亲亲们 ,偶的第二篇作文新鲜出炉，请大家品尝，特别要轰炸语法和结构，谢了..

lulu85

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems.

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

What other measures do you think might be effective?
请集中轰炸语法和结构







It is evident that high price of petrol can push more people to the public transport and cut carbon dioxide which contributes to the global warming   . However  ，it will do little if nothing is done to prevent the tendency that use more cars.


The most significant factor that cause traffic jams and the decreasing standard of environment is more and more people can afford the car because of the development of the economic ,In addition ,the technology has been making the price of car minimised . As a result , cars have been a basic equipment almost  in  every family  which make huge congestion and air pollution  across the global.  Therefore , merely use the  initiate  of high price do not solve problems.


The long-term solution is the combination between technical program  and city designing . The emphasis of technology should be put upon the lifts of the fossil fuel efficiency and air filter equipment .These measures can be able to greatly cut consumption of petrol and reduce exhaust emission effectively. On the other hand , designing cities and neighborhood so that all the essential service being located within walking distance and the car travel not necessary . If all the destination can be easily accessible by the mass transport, the problems  of traffic jams and environment degradation will be solved radically.


Although increasing the costs of using petrol is only a useful method to slow down the tendency that more and more  huge congestions in cities and air pollution is becoming  serious , the long-term  solution is that technology which minimise the petrol consumption and designing cities  reasonable in order to  people  prefer  public transportation  instead of private cars.

lulu85

word说281个字
我自己没有数，眼睛酸痛痛

Owen_LIU

word说够了就够了

kuthlaav

原帖由 lulu85 于 25-10-2011 22:11 发表

                               
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Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems.

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

What other measures do you think might be effective? ...

语法和结构还不是最主要的问题，审题和思路才是一开始应该思考的。
再来阅读一次题目：
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems.
提升油价，最好方法，解决交通和环境问题
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
你同意不同意
What other measures do you think might be effective?
其他还有什么方法

首先，问你提升油价是不是最好的方法，那么你应该用一段文字来论述你的观点，是还是不是，或者你同意多少？
其次，其他解决方法，解决什么问题？ 交通和环境！
那么交通可以写一段，环境可以写一段。
否则，改变城市布局可以改善交通，但是对于环境作用大么？
同理，改善燃油效率或者过滤，甚至使用清洁能源，的确可以改善环境，对于交通有用么？
所以，先在思路上面下功夫吧。

eagerbeaver

it will do little if nothing is done to prevent the tendency that use more cars.

这句话好像不太通啊. However, the number of vehicles on city streets will still continue to grow if people fail to take necessary steps to limit the use of automobiles.

lulu85

cloudsflo

结构绕弯了， 主体段一需要回答你为什么同意或不同意涨价是最好的解决交通和环境的方法
主体段2需要提出其他的有效措施

3WU

很大程度赞成 # 4 #5  的意见，这也是我第一眼看到LZ  作品头一段的想法。你的开头段很吃亏。别小看第一段通常只含2-3句话，而且都是陈述题目性质的。第一段可是印入 评审者 眼帘 的 第一个印象。。关键是不扣题目。这种文章最多5.5。
do you agree or disagree 。。关键要突出 YOU， 其实这就是A类和 G 类大作文的一大区别。。A类打死不要提个人观点，不能能用 I , me ,personal  之类的字眼。。可是G类，通常少不了这些字眼。  然后还要 agree or disagree.  最后还要 expect  “你的” other measures 。。


再直接跳去看最后一段总结。。语法惨不忍睹。。。第一句的超级长句，错误连连。总结段要跟第一段中心相呼应，各段中心词/概念 必定要在总结段体现，否则，这一段就不叫作总结段了。当然你还都提到了。只是语法问题实在太大。请问3行中，你的句号有几个？主语有几个？尤其第一句，你要说 petrol 是 only method?  这不是与首段和 第二段相违背吗？

回头再看看 主体段落各首句。。。。主要是第二段开头句，拖拖拉拉的错误长句让我决定给你最多5 分。

选一句改动语法：The most significant factor that cause traffic jams and the decreasing standard of environment is more and more people can afford the car because of the development of the economic

改动版：[The private car affordability is the most significant factor] that cause(s) problems of traffic jams and decrease of air quality.  
standard 是标准。。污染跟 环境标准是有很大区别的。 请留意 改动版的主体句其实很短。作为段首中心句，越短越有力度，层次越分明，越能体现你对复杂词汇（其实不用很复杂，关键是恰到好处）的掌握和概括能力。

[ 本帖最后由 3WU 于 28-10-2011 16:36 编辑 ]