原创E文小说（9.30更新至15）- Would you marry me anyway, would you have my baby?

pinxinge

原帖由 lisa2008 于 2-9-2010 17:14 发表

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

9.

Everyone who worked with foreign company's representative office in Beijing in mid 90s must have known the famous name – FESCO. FESCO's full name was Foreign Enterprise Services Corporation. I ...

Why in mid 90s? I think FESCO still exists now.

lisa2008

True. FESCO was the main HR agent authorized by government then who had few competitors. So everyone knew FESCO. But now there are many other big agents sharing the HR market in BJ too.

[ 本帖最后由 pinxinge 于 3-9-2010 22:53 编辑 ]

pinxinge

原帖由 lisa2008 于 3-9-2010 11:45 发表

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

True. FESCO was the main HR agent authorized by government then who had few competitors. So everyone knew FESCO. But now there are many other big agents sharing the HR market in BJ too.

Oh. I'm OUT le once again.

shenlong1984

shenlong1984

嘿嘿,俺喜欢你的译文,穿过你的黑发的我的手.

lisa2008

9.

Everyone who had worked with foreign company's representative office in Beijing in mid 90s must have known the famous name – FESCO.

FESCO's full name was Foreign Enterprise Services Corporation. It was a government authorized HR agent who had few competitors then, specializing in introducing local employees to foreign companies.   FESCO, at that time, did business by charging an approximately 60%~70% commission (gradually reduced to lower and lower rate afterwards) on every employee's salary per month, yet still had blooming business mainly thanks to the huge salary gap between what a foreign company normally offered and that offered by a local one. A person could easily have his/her pocket salary increased up to 10 times by changing job from a local company to a foreign one if he/she was professionally qualified and particularly good at English communications.

Not foreign companies offered too much, but local companies offered too little.



Traffic got better. It didn't take long to get to FESCO. Obviously people disliked to go around during lunch time, especially on such a hot day.


It was in an office building named “Ya Tai Da Sha” located in Ya Bao Lu. Ya Bao Lu was a street famous of its Russian markets and fashion shops. Vivian knew it as she once came here shopping with her best friend Heather.


The lift stopped at level 5.

Xiaoyang took Vivian to a door and knocked on it.








[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 6-9-2010 01:11 编辑 ]

lisa2008

thanks ~ the original translation was not mine, but i did have changed several sentences to make it best reflect the chinese lyrics

pinxinge

lisa2008

10

A man in blue shirt and black suit pants opened the door.

“Hi Xiaoyang!    Come in please!”

He was a man of medium height, looked like just over 40s, with thick hair and sharp eyes. Whenever he was talking there was always a professional smile on his face, which made the listener feel warm and trustable immediately. Very impressive.

Xiaoyang and Vivian were seated on the small guest sofa facing the main desk.

“How are you teacher Wang? Sorry for bothering you at rest time. This is Vivian, my.......classmate. I mentioned to you the other day over the phone....... remember?”

“Ha, the capable and strong character girl?” Teacher Wang twinkled his eyes to Xiaoyang and turned to Vivian, “I'm Wang Ning, in charge of No. A Business Dept. So, you've made up your mind to change the job?”

As if Xiaoyang had talked about me with this teacher Wang before, Vivian thought, but why he never mentioned this to me? Anyway, it was not proper to question Xiaoyang in front of teacher Wang.  Vivian decided to do it later.

“Yeah...... actually I already resigned ...... yesterday.”

“Then, what kind of job are you looking for? What's your expectation? Your major in school was same as Xiaoyang, am I right?”

“Correct. I.......”

“She is willing to try any kind of office job available, technical, business, administration, whatever” Xiaoyang patted her back slightly and interrupted her, “Of course she prefers technical and business jobs, but administration is also acceptable.” Vivian could see he worried about her changing mind again.

“OK, then can you tell me what your work experience has been since graduation, and what training courses you have had these years?” teacher Wang kept asking Vivian and changed the language into English.




[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 9-9-2010 22:21 编辑 ]

美格格

你太厉害啦  

pinxinge

报道，这么快又出一集。

lisa2008

ttzy

呵呵，学习了。

2late

真不错，支持！

shenlong1984

moved to beijing in the mid of 90s that was quite a challenging transition for me at that time.anyway everything turns to becoming nostalgic and mixed feelings
i wanna go home ,,,,,,,,,,

lisa2008

i've traveled to many places in the world, but i would say Beijing is the most unforgetable city to me no matter how much it has changed

too much memory left there........and memory is part of life

lisa2008

anyone else who has ever lived in Beijing, or been to Beijing, or married a Beijng boy/girl?

come up to say Hi here    give me some reason to write a bit more about Beijing in mid 90s

pinxinge

原帖由 shenlong1984 于 7-9-2010 13:46 发表

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

moved to beijing in the mid of 90s that was quite a challenging transition for me at that time.anyway everything turns to becoming nostalgic and mixed feelings
i wanna go home ,,,,,,,,,,

Yeah, mixed feeling. That's the word in my heart.

shenlong1984

lol, this song" beijing beijing"
http://www.1ting.com/player/9b/player_158762.html

lisa2008

11.

The talk turned into an informal interview. Vivian was never afraid of any interview. In fact, she was an expert. Although her professional career was short, she had experienced over 30 interviews since graduation. She was pretty familiar with the routine questions and tricks, and enjoyed playing with it to test how various replies worked at some uncritical accasions. She thought it was of big fun and good for practising oral English, and had seldom worried much about winning or losing the chance – as she never waited until jobless to look for a new one.

But it was different today. She no longer had a job. Yes she was proud, but she needed money to pay bills. Moreover, she agreed, it might be the time for a change.

Vivian briefly explained her experience and training. Apparently teacher Wang was happy to it. He nodded his head when listening.

“Very good!” he stood up in the end. “I think you are more qualified than your expectation.” “However,” he stopped,  “I still would like to remind you something in advance.”

[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 10-9-2010 14:57 编辑 ]

lisa2008

好久没写了

pinxinge

oil

mql3461

真是好玩啊

喜悦

修车的，不是什么英文专业，给你瞎改了改，肯定还有不妥的地方，请lz多包涵


“OK，ok, you start to work as the reception tomorrow. The boss shouted suddenly, to conclude the conversation.
or !”(“OK, OK, you start as a receptionist tomorrow.PERIOD!” shouted the boss suddenly.)
Being shocked by (or Shocked at) the scene in front of her, Vivian felt she could hardly breath(breathe是动词，breath是名词) or think.

As a 23 year old (23-year-old)young girl who grew up from a well educated family, whose father was a professor in university (whose father was a university professor)and the only man at home (in the family), Vivian, in her young life, had never ever seen a man so losing his manner . (had never ever seen a man losing his manner/temper like that) （注：这句话有点冗长，是run-on sentence)

The air was frozen, so as her brain and mouth (so was her brain or lips).

She felt she was (being) thrown into desperate silence. His face which had been big and fat,(His big, fat face) turned into deep red ...  maybe (or,中国人用太多maybe)purple more exactly. The funny yellow tie on (around) his short neck therefore became even more garish and discord(discordant)(注：前面有even more，后面应用形容词。garish是形容词，discord是名词，应该用形容词形式discordant). His eyes were staring straightly on (at) her pale face, mercilessly, full of anger and blood.（没看懂）

This might be the job she loved and enjoyed the most in her short professional career.（觉得时态不明，没继续看，不知道这个工作she做了没有，如果是没做应该是she would love and enjoy...,如果是做过了就是she had loved and enjoyed...) An electronic engineer - just what she majored in at university.（major in的是electronic engineering而不是engineer） But just now the boss told her to work as reception (a receptionist）tomorrow.



再啰嗦一句：英文写作要遵循3C原则即Clear, Concise and Compelling.

[ 本帖最后由 喜悦 于 21-9-2010 10:10 编辑 ]

lisa2008

真心谢谢喜悦

坦率讲，我不是个谦虚的人   所以一般人指出的问题包括我原来学校老师说我的我当耳旁风的居多（不当面反驳都算给面子了）   。不过刚才仔细看了喜悦给的建议，基本95%以上我都认同，确实那样修改比我原来写的读起来简洁顺口，而且语感也好了很多。这就去改。

借此机会我也说说我写这个英文小说的初衷。这个小说我是一时心血来潮当娱乐开始写的，到目前为止都不算认真，我也不知道能否一直写下去 - 估计要写那段比较复杂的经历没有100篇是写不完的。其中涉及办公室文化，几次或微妙或激烈的情感，几次比较不一般的经历（在那个年代），还有大的人生抉择，还会涉及一些隐私（需要权衡怎样处理）。这些都是我写写停停犹豫的原因。

另外因为从来没有写过小说（中文的也没有），而且是业余英语写作（尽管毕业之后10多年一直在欧美企业官方英语的语言环境工作，但文学创作和工作英语毕竟还是有很多不同），基本就是想到哪里写到哪里，原来写的那些都是先想好，然后花10分钟左右一口气写出来，写好后粗略看一遍就发帖了。

所以这个帖子，只能算是个比意识流稍微更有条理一些的梳理思路的草稿。

等写的差不多收尾的时候（暂时虚拟语气），我想找时间把全文全面完整地修改几遍，再重新发一个帖子，作为一个相对比较完美的record保存。

lisa2008

12.


“I understand you prefer a professional job to an administration one. Most girls who have professional backgrounds think so.” he paused and saw Vivian nodding her head inadvertently.

Then he added, “However I have to remind you to be realistic if you want a new job as soon as possible. I've seen too many girls looking for professional jobs for months but ending up with administration ones. Now that you have quit your last job, if you agree with me there happens to be a chance for you to try this afternoon.”

He looked at his watch and went on, “It's 2:00 now. At 2:30 there will be an examination for recruiting the Secretary Class by FESCO. If you don't mind being a secretary in future I can arrange for you to take the exam. ”

“Why not?” Xiaoyang interrupted. “Just an examination. Why don't you just take it and have a better thought afterwards?” he said to Vivian, “You'll still have choices then.”

Yes, why not?

It was a suggestion that Vivian could not refuse.


[ 本帖最后由 lisa2008 于 21-9-2010 15:55 编辑 ]

pinxinge

原帖由 喜悦 于 21-9-2010 09:54 发表

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

修车的，不是什么英文专业，给你瞎改了改，肯定还有不妥的地方，请lz多包涵


“OK，ok, you start to work as the reception tomorrow. The boss shouted suddenly, to conclude the conversation.
or !”(“O ...

强人强帖。等楼主完稿出版的时候，可以请喜悦来做编辑校稿。

喜悦

今天闲着没事，再凑凑热闹
12．

“I understand your(应该是笔误，应为you) prefer professional job to administration job.(job是可数名词，所以前面要加冠词，或用复数。... prefer a professional job to an admin one.) Most girls who have professional majors (backgrounds/qualifications)think so.” he paused and saw Vivian nodded her head inadvertently.(注意saw的用法，应该是saw Vivian nod her head inadvertently或saw that Vivian nodded her head inadvertently.)

Then he said(对话比较长，总用said不好，不如这里用added）, “However I have to suggest you be realistic if you want to get a new job as soon as possible. (However, I'd like to remind you that you need to be realistic/或remind you to be realistic if you want a job ASAP.)I’ve seen too many girls looking for professional jobs for months but ending up in doing administration ones.(but ended up doing/with adminastrative ones.) Now that you have quit your last job, if you agree with me there happens to be a chance for you to try this afternoon.” (if you agree/if you'd like to, there is an opportunity this afternoon)He looked at his watch and went on, “It's 2:00 now. At 2:30 there will be an examination for the Secretary Class recruitment by FESCO.(there will be a FESCO recruitment examination for the new Secretary Class.这句没看懂，是招秘书班的考试？) If you don't mind being a secretary in future I can arrange for you to take part in the exam. ” (I can put you in)
“Why not?” Xiaoyang interrupted. “Just an examination. Why don't you just take it and have a better thought afterwards?” he said to Vivian, “You'll still have choices then.”

[ 本帖最后由 喜悦 于 21-9-2010 15:33 编辑 ]

喜悦

原帖由 pinxinge 于 21-9-2010 14:19 发表

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

强人强帖。等楼主完稿出版的时候，可以请喜悦来做编辑校稿。

过奖过奖，喜悦是瞎凑热闹。给车做service喜悦比较专业

[ 本帖最后由 喜悦 于 21-9-2010 15:58 编辑 ]

lisa2008

有点点好奇 ，喜悦修车以前主要是做什么工作的？英语老师