求各位指点雅思大作文，距离7分还有多远呢？

hjx500

38分钟电脑写的，估计考试用笔还会慢一点。256个词。
Some people think all the new buildings should be built in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree?

    Some people believe that architecture is a special kind of art,as the culture and history of a place is contained in its buildings.Therefore they argue that all the new buildings should follow the traditional styles.One should take a prgressive perspective at this problem because we now live in a creative world.
    The first reason to support it is that new technologies are been involved into buildings everyday and some function of buildings might be quite different from old days, such as sun energy using, noise seperation.As matter of fact,the outlook of buildings have to be based on its functions.Besides that, with the process of globalization and culture assimilation, people may adopt to building styles from other places.Take china for example, a huge number of very expensive houses are built in western styles, which have a more positive market response than traditional buildings.In my opinion, it is always good to have new things on the earth and obviously people do not live in the cave like ancient days.
    On the other hand, hostorical buildings are treasures from our ancestors which we should protect and some of them have become places of interest. When people plan to build houses around these places, the enviromental harmony must be considered. For instance.it is hard to imagine that a skyscraper locate in the forbidden city.
    According to the above discussion, people should accept the creation in building styles as the world is developing fastly. But in some historical area, people should also thought thoroughly when they plan to build new buildings.

shan8006

能力有限，尽可能抓虫。
One should takes a progressive perspective at this problem because we now live in a creative world.
ho(i)storical buildings are treasures from our ancestors which we should protect 个人感觉protect是对人用的，对资源，历史文物应该用preserve比较贴切
根据10天作文标准，只改到上述的错误。俺也是正在搏命的人，不敢说评论。只求共勉，把TMD鸭子烤个外脆里嫩。

matureman

这个作文离7分差距比较大。

[ 本帖最后由 matureman 于 30-11-2010 01:12 编辑 ]

matureman

这个作文离7分差距比较大。比如as the culture and history of a place is(are) contained in its buildings
类似错误不少。比如besides that,就是问题。it is hard to imagine that a skyscraper locate（S） in the forbidden city. 还有 take a prgressive perspective at this problem 。等等。
最关键的是：
分析不够深入，很多用词不地道，缺乏气势，用的大词也少。就是说，太乏味了。
影藏在作文的语言范畴以外，是一个人的分析理解能力，雅思作文虽然简单，但至少得有多个层次，一个一个往下走。道理要讲透，整个看下来，感觉6分很危险。
当年偶得8分，估计是运气，实际水平在7。我当时在国外工作一年多，做工程承包时候经常写公文，老板亲自批改，有那么几十篇东西写下来，才感觉能够比较自如的写出7分水平，没有好的老师，写作的确是最难突破的。楼主还得好好练练，上7是不容易的。

xiaoping410

38分钟能写这样非常不容易，比我写的好多了。不过7分还是很难的，就像楼上高人说的，分析深入，层层递进。思路的问题很难进步，我也是思路很狭窄，就事论事，颠来倒去那几句话。别说英文，中文也出来也干巴巴的。

crystali99

今天刚上了写作课，结合自己之前考试的体会，这篇作文应该不会超过6分。

shan8006

看了十天作文里，慎老师说雅思作文的观点只要reasonable，不需要分析很透彻，因为只是语言能力考试，关键是否能用较好的结构和语句把自己的想法表达出来而已。
但逻辑和流畅是比较重要的，高分词汇也不用太多，通篇7，8个就行。
雅思考官的满分作文也是秉着这个原则写的，而且官方公布的7.5分范文通篇约5个小错，意义也不深刻，但逻辑还算较强，用词也不错。

wiserfirst

个人感觉除了遣词造句的问题之外，观点不够清楚，看一遍不明白到底想要说什么
另外 476准签了还在准备作文？

hjx500

需要考4个7才可以拿PR啊

holystar

楼主不是 476 visa granted 了。。。

chengtbb

差距很大啊，继续努力