又一篇作文，请高手点评，谢谢

lubchsie

Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents.To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, poor children are often deemed to be more competent when they grow up than those who are rich. It appears reasonable. Children who have no extra money for party, travelling, shopping, or other thing of luxury will spend their time on study even taking part-time job to earn money. And those children would try themselves hard to become mature as soon as possible to fit the society and the adult life. So they are always more motivated to get themselves experienced and will work hard to be successful to take more responsibilities for the society when they grow up. It seems that all of these factors drive the poor children to become superior in the society.

However, this point of view is only partly correct. Not all the children who come from poor family are so good enough to take the responsibility of ambition. Some of them maybe have the feeling of inferiority which could retard their progress to become mature. Some maybe are always busy in earning money, neglecting the collecting of knowledge which should take the top priority to a child. On the other hand, a wealthy child who although have much money to waste can be well educated to know the good ways to deal with the money. Those educated wealthy children could spend their money in study or in helping other children who are in poverty. No one could doubt this sort of well trained children can deal with the problem encountered later.

It is obvious that the means by which a child treats the money decide what sort of an adult he will be. And a child's idea about money depends on the education that he got. The key is the education. Both poor children and wealthy children can be successful when they grow up as long as they are all well trained.

neroliang

做记号，回头来看。

语之玫瑰

呜呼...楼主写得太快了，我都来不及看
这个是三段式？奇怪的哦，我慢慢看

语之玫瑰

Nowadays, poor children are often deemed to be more competent when they grow up than those who are rich.
怪怪的，是不是应该
Nowadays, poor children are often deemed to be more competent than those who are rich when they grow up .

语之玫瑰

society 第一段出现了好几次哦！！能不能换种说法？
deal with 也出现了三次
楼主啊...你这边谈了好多理论哦，但是没有一个像样的例子来证明呢...

lubchsie

唉，还是词汇量太少，帮忙多提几个建议，谢谢了