请教这篇作文能得几分？（批改给分太高，不敢相信）

wolikegaofeng

Emigration is a natural consequence of an individual’s desire to improve their lives. Therefore there should be no restrictions on international migration.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Personal anticipation for high quality of life fuels international immigration. I accept that a restriction is extremely necessary to guarantee the order.  

On the one hand, migration not only benefits immigrants, but also contributes to local development. To escape from social unrest or pursue high standard of life, people are forced to leave their hometowns and move into another countries. Along with this movement, these immigrants can enjoy the same welfare system as their local counterparts, which is helpful for them to settle down in the new places. As for local development, immigrants' contribution is significant. In order to earn enough money to raise the family, they are likely to make efforts in work, which can fuel financial growth. So, immigration can be regarded as a win-win activity.

On the other hand, immigration also has its drawbacks. First, due to language and culture barriers, it is extremely difficult for these foreigners to integrate into local life. The worse thing is that the lack of deep understanding may generate culture shock and even intense conflicts. All these have a detrimental effect to the social cohesion. Second, a large number of immigrants may pose a threat to local ones’ employment. To be competitive, these foreigners generally accept the under-paid jobs and are much productive than the local partners, which results in intense competition in labour force market. As a consequence, immigration inevitably causes certain social problems.

In my opinion, an effective restriction is necessary. After all, governments should give priority to meeting citizens' need. The negative aspects of immigration may generate discontent among local citizens. So, immigration restriction can minimise the negative impacts, because it can not only control the quantity of immigrants but also guarantee the quality of them.

To summarise, governments should impose restrictions on immigration.


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网上找作文批改的标准是什么？没有语法错误即可吗？这个作文给了较高的分数，让我欢喜让我忧啊，不会高分误导了我吧。

niuyuzhou

网上的不太可靠，我朋友网上（某宝）评分几次都是6.5，实际一战只有5.5分。

joanzhao

貌似字数有点太多了。考试别写这么多，耽误工夫，还容易出错。270个足以。

门外汉1982

批改的结果是几分，有具体的修改意见吗？

一个小建议，第一和最后两段，好像太短了。

crystali99

批改的给多少分？8？
个人感觉的确是外观华丽，但是实际的performance不算太好。
响应方面，没有明确地表明你agree还是disagree，虽然第一段第二句有说认同需要严格控制可是后面又说了移民的好处，虽然也有列出坏处，可是你的立场站得不明晰就，如果蒙住第一段看你后面几段，我会觉得你是比较中立的态度。
连贯方面明显欠缺。很明显的是第一段的两句，就是两句零散的句子放在一起，没有体现他们之间的逻辑关系。二三段论据段，也没有结构特别清晰地往外抛论据，有点想到哪里写到哪里的感觉。
语法上有一些小问题，不算多，最大的问题恐怕还是用词不贴切，中文式思维痕迹很重。
所以综合起来我的感觉就是堆砌辞藻很明显，但是organization and presentation of information不好。论据在想法上很不错的，需要重组。楼上有提头尾两段的，我也赞同，尤其结尾段，没能进一步support你的观点，很仓促。
另外，考虑到现在好像压分更胜以往，所以这篇文要是考场上写出，估计也拿不到太高的分。我最近考了一次，确定比自己以前7分的作文写得好很多，教了多年雅思写作、对写作很有研究的朋友给的评价也是straight 8，我自己觉得也是妥妥的7.5，最后还是只给了7。结合口语方面的情况，我非常十分以及肯定他们在玩命压分，估计写作口语每项被压了0.5-1分。so...你懂的。

hanyue112

应该有6

wolikegaofeng

crystali99 发表于 7-12-2013 13:53

                               
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批改的给多少分？8？
个人感觉的确是外观华丽，但是实际的performance不算太好。
响应方面，没有明确地表 ...

西蒙的网站批改，给了8.5分

Jerrychenhao

7分应该有的吧，词汇语法都感觉不错。不过感觉是论据不够明确。移民是好事，但一定要有一个标准制度，需要加强筛选，应该围绕这个主题。

wisezmz

这篇文章撑死也就6.5，连idiom都没，怎么可能评得上8？

平时给你评太高分绝对不是好事，当你以为自己作文已经OK了，自然就不会再花时间钻研，直接后果就是考试时拿不到你的目标分数。