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1#
发表于 9-4-2012 02:21:12 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

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Shopping is becoming a way of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?


It is believed that people is willing to buy things they like as they can afford. Hence, some of customers are shopping just for entertaining. The discussion of whether it is a positive development is of great concern for many people. From my point of view, it is always good if people have extra money for shopping which can brings them happiness instead of saving it in the bank.

Although many people subscribe to the belief that buys a host of things just for entertaining, is a big waste. This is in fact a common misconception that we need to clear up. Firstly, I would like to stress the definition of “waste”. It is undeniable that even we own many things but they are both valuable and useful, is not a kind of waste. It would be if we own them instead of never use. Secondly, we cannot judge how owner deal with the stuff they brought. It maybe donated to charity or something else. Therefore, we cannot say that buy a bunch of things back would be a waste.

Let me just give you a different perspective. It is universally acknowledged that the productivity would be increased by consuming behavior. It is act like a cycle – people buy things they need and more products would be produced. It would be horrible if just a few customers come to consume, obviously, this situation would lead to low productivity and some people would be unemployed. According to recent studies, high consumption rate can improve economics of the nation. For example, reported by BBC, the consumer index had increased 30 per cent in China last year and the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) also went up to 13% which amongst the world 's highest .

Given the above argument, it is reasonable to conclude that we do not have any evidence to certify shopping overweighed is a negative development. But in fact, it has many advantages. As a result, I am convinced that shopping becoming a way of entertainment is a positive development.

重写。。。。立志6分。。。。


Recent year, people spend increasingly money on shopping. Some expenses are used to buy necessities, while in others are just for entertaining. Thus there is a question concerned by individuals, which is whether whole society can be benefited from over-consumption? From my point of view, the answer is yes – that is to say, it is a positive development.

First of all, over-consumption waste money is the most important aspect that a host of consumers are believed. But in fact, this conception is not totally correct. Firstly, it is not wasting that consumers buy something valuable and useful, even though they buy a vast number of commodities back and never use. For instance, purchase antiques. Secondly, we cannot arbitrarily conclude as there are various ways that individuals taking care of their personal goods wisely. Donation is a case in point. Therefore, over-consumption is nothing directly related to wasting.

In addition, it is universally acknowledged that the productivity will have increased by consuming behavior. Obviously, factories would produce more commodities in order to satisfy people’s needs if they had sold out. Meanwhile, mass consumption would encourage economic development as well. On the other hand, workers would lose their jobs as nothing needs produce. It is worth mentioning that the consumer index increased 30 per cent in China last year and she maintained a very high growth rate in terms of GDP, which reported by British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) two months ago.

To sum up, shopping for entertainment makes great contribute to society, such as, stimulate economic development, although it might be true that it would cause wasting. Therefore, I am strongly believed that increasingly entertaining consumption is a positive development.




Recent year, people spend increasingly money on shopping. Some expenses are used to buy necessities, while in others are just for entertaining. Thus there is a question concerned by individuals, which is whether whole society can be benefited from extra consumption. From my point of view, the answer is yes – that is to say, it is a positive development.

First of all, a host of consumers are believed that extra consumption waste money, and we should also notice that this issue is one of the most important aspects amongst all drawbacks. This is probably not true to some extent. Firstly, it is not wasting that consumers buy something valuable, even though they buy a vast number of commodities back and never use, because the investment can be recalled anytime. For instance, purchase antiques. Secondly, we cannot arbitrarily conclude since there are various ways that individuals taking care of their personal goods wisely. Donation is a case in point. Therefore, extra consumption is nothing directly related to wasting.

In addition, it is universally acknowledged that the productivity will have increased by consuming behavior. Obviously, factories would produce more commodities in order to satisfy people’s needs if they had sold out. Meanwhile, mass consumption would encourage economic development as well. It is worth mentioning that the consumer index increased 30 per cent in China last year, so she maintained a very high growth rate in terms of GDP, which reported by British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) two months ago.

To sum up, shopping for entertainment makes great contribute to society, such as, stimulate economic development, even though it might be true that it would cause wasting. Consequently, I am strongly believed that increasingly entertaining consumption is a positive development.


[ 本帖最后由 ecust 于 27-5-2012 17:11 编辑 ]
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2#
发表于 9-4-2012 10:24:00 | 只看该作者
Guys --> Buying ?
Is always being good --->. Is always good,
第一段逻辑不严密,entertainment与extra money的联系没有提到。
Subscribe to 的这个用法没见过,不过你也许用的是对的,也许是我水平不够
Clear up还是clean up?
Stress 这个有点chinglish,考虑是否改为clarify
Denote要改成被动语态。
Cannot define这句需要修改语法错误。
第三段第一句太口语化。第二句也有语法错误。

赶去上班,先说这么多。

建议楼主自己修改好后,在贴上来让高手也来参与修改。
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3#
发表于 9-4-2012 12:07:59 | 只看该作者
It is believed that people is willing buy things they like as they can afford

找个茬 is willing buy? 两个动词之间没有to啊。。。
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4#
发表于 9-4-2012 12:11:34 | 只看该作者
It may donate to charity or something else。

这个地方应该用被动语态或者体现主语出来吧

It maybe donated to ..
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5#
 楼主| 发表于 9-4-2012 12:22:07 | 只看该作者
多谢楼上几位,我仔细看下
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6#
发表于 9-4-2012 12:30:28 | 只看该作者
不要太信我的
我还没考过雅思。。。
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7#
发表于 11-4-2012 15:06:31 | 只看该作者

回复 #1 ecust 的帖子

你的ACS怎么还没有出结果啊?
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8#
发表于 11-4-2012 15:11:11 | 只看该作者
如果只学他的套路,不领会精髓确实提高比较难。楼主的文章总体不错,离7分差距还是有的,加油。
先修正单复数、冠词等语法问题,总分会有一定提升。这是我的感觉
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9#
发表于 11-4-2012 15:14:36 | 只看该作者
It is believed that people is(are) willing 单复数问题
Let me just give you a different perspective 有点绕口可以换成 While on the other hand.
shopping becoming a way of entertainment is a positive development 这个可以换成if的虚拟从句,语法复杂可以拿分
我也是学生和你一样痛苦烤鸭中,楼主文章大概6-7分中间吧
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10#
发表于 11-4-2012 15:16:16 | 只看该作者
楼主的大优点:很敢于写,思路很活跃,把握得当可以有很多加分的
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11#
 楼主| 发表于 11-4-2012 15:29:26 | 只看该作者

回复 #7 leeeight 的帖子

8晓得啊,应该块了吧,我急啊....
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12#
 楼主| 发表于 11-4-2012 15:30:06 | 只看该作者

回复 #8 bfcatfriends 的帖子

多谢, 我语法基本是一塌糊涂额, 需要学习
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13#
发表于 11-4-2012 19:27:15 | 只看该作者
词汇还比较丰富。
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14#
发表于 12-4-2012 00:59:16 | 只看该作者
个人意见,供你参考。
被动语态用的不够,被动语态会显得更专业一点。
需要写一两个复杂句和独立主格的句子来展现你对英语的掌握。
我也没考过雅思,所以也只是个人意见
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15#
发表于 12-4-2012 15:04:26 | 只看该作者
应该多用主动而不是被动。被动用得太多闲的语气较弱,点缀一下即可。
复杂句费用不可, 否则6分都难保,,
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16#
 楼主| 发表于 16-5-2012 18:57:32 | 只看该作者

没事又写了一篇,贴着备查

Some children in rural places cannot have good schools and medical facilities. To improve this situation, some people suggest that new teachers and doctors should be sent to rural places for several years. Others, however, believe everyone has the free right to choose where to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.



It is commonly believed that there are many aspects of the country relatively different to the city. As aging population and higher birth rate, people realise that the resources of education and medical are face the tendency -- less and less, especially for rural areas. Therefore, the discussion of whether should send new professionals to the place where need them most firstly is in full swing. This essay will argue that people should execution their duty voluntary instead of be forced.

First of all, it is undeniable that people should increase investment to rural places to improve the local situation, not only include facilities, but also talents. But unlike facilities which can be produced from factory with large amount, it is impossible to find enough teachers and doctors who can serve for all people around the nation.  Hence, I would like to emphasis that it is unreasonable to send all new professionals to rural areas because this means the city would lacked of resources. It is possible that on one hand, we satisfy the requirement of countryside, but on the other hand, the city which with a big population would face more serious problem. Meantime, amongst all professionals, some of them are less experienced who may just graduate from university, can you image what will happen if we only send them to rural places? It is obviously that some student would not be well educated or some patient with horrible disease would miss the best chance to be healed because most of the professionals are not experienced.

Put it in another way, human rights are very important for everyone and protected by the government which means individuals have rights to select anything for themselves, including where they prefer to work at, of course. Therefore, people cannot force them to work in rural areas. Meanwhile, talents also will be negative if they doing anything they do not want. According to the research result from Tsinghua University (THU), the work efficiency of individuals who subject to mood swings can be 20% lower than normal one. Therefore, it is unreliable that send our hope to them in this situation.

To sum up, we need to balance the resources to rural areas and the city to fit all their required, particularly to balance the number of rich experienced and less experienced talents. Based on the facts above and we have to admit the importance of human rights, we really should not send the new professionals to specific place.
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17#
发表于 17-5-2012 12:31:54 | 只看该作者

回复 #1 ecust 的帖子

To be honest, as to me, I think your first essay would only score 6 or less. All over  of your article, it's inundated with exaggeration and inappropriate hyposis, which goes totally astray from the requirement of accuration, which is a key to 7.

It seems to me that you have memorized a lot of good sentences but you used them impropriately in your article. For example, you mentioned about the definition of 'waste', but you really not clearly defined it in the immediate following sentense.

Besides, normally, you should not include too much reasoning in your first paragraph, it is for statement, with or without your personal opinion. To make it worse, your reasoning is inaccurate and inappropriate.

The 3rd paragrah is bad shaped because your first sentence of a paragraph should always clearly state your arguing point. You missed that.

In conclusion, please always bear in mind two most missed points by Chinese candicates, including me, the ACCURATION and  CONCISION.
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18#
发表于 17-5-2012 12:45:12 | 只看该作者

回复 #17 intimatezhang 的帖子

Same thing happens in your Essay two.
In your openning paragraph, you try to make it more vivid by broaden the area, but many of then is irrelavant with your article. If I want to do that, I would start with any subject from (children in rural places, good schools and medical facilities) but not from the difference between city and rural area, that is not your topic.
And you really think high birth rate is relevant?
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19#
 楼主| 发表于 17-5-2012 13:22:14 | 只看该作者

回复 #18 intimatezhang 的帖子

wow, thanks for your advise, I will check them and try to improve my skills.
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20#
 楼主| 发表于 17-5-2012 19:46:36 | 只看该作者
Some people think that examinations have some bad effects on both students and teachers. Some people say they do a good job in the evaluation of the students’ performance. What is your opinion?


The global education system has been developed over 2 thousand years. Although there are many differences between each nation, but there is one aspect surprising consensus on the examination – it has been kept in almost every country until now. Recently, some people question about the effect of examination and think it makes negative impact to both students and teachers. From my point of view, the positive effect is greater than negative one.

It is commonly believed that not only students but also teachers spend more time and energy if there is an examination which both of them need prepared. People may think it is an extra pay and it would be better if we take advantage of this period time to learn more knowledge, but I am not wholly agree with this opinion. The key point is, we cannot build a skyscraper without solid foundation, which means students need review the knowledge they learnt before (via examination) and confirm they handle it well first. It would be meaningless if teacher continue teach students new knowledge regardless of care about whether listeners can master the theory. For instance, people suggest pupils to learn more about advanced mathematics, but meantime, they are not an expert in four arithmetic operations. How they can achieve that? Therefore, it is worth to spend some time on examination to evaluate whether students master the knowledge well in order to figure the strategy of study out.

Furthermore, it is obviously that most nations reserve the examination in their education system due to several benefits. Firstly, the result of good performance can encourage students keep learning hardly. Secondly, students may realise some weak aspects and they can reinforce the knowledge. Last but not least, teachers can help individuals who need tutoring the most via examination. It is worth mentioning that according to research result of World Association for Educational Research (WAER) shows the graduation rates would be increased along with the increase in the number of examinations.

To sum up, the examination has both positive and negative aspects which affect students and teachers. But we can ignore some bad effects if we consider the importance of it. Hence, in general, the advantages we achieved by examination are outweigh the disadvantages.

[ 本帖最后由 ecust 于 18-5-2012 13:48 编辑 ]
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21#
发表于 17-5-2012 23:32:53 | 只看该作者

回复 #20 ecust 的帖子

A good openning paragraph now for article3. I think it can get 6 But

What is your point in paragraph 2? You are trying to discuss the advantage of exam? If yes, why the first sentence shows opposit? If NO, why the following sentences is talking about should have exam? I'm  so confused.

the example you give for paragraph3 is not valid. Other shool don't improve teaching skill from exam? If yes, why they are not the best?
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22#
 楼主| 发表于 18-5-2012 00:22:44 | 只看该作者
原帖由 intimatezhang 于 17-5-2012 23:32 发表
A good openning paragraph now for article3. I think it can get 6 But

What is your point in paragraph 2? You are trying to discuss the advantage of exam? If yes, why the first sentence shows opposit ...


I have not find any sentence express the meaning of 'should attend exam' in paragraph 2 ....

And update paragraph 3 by add 'it's tested by weekly', do you think it's OK?
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23#
发表于 18-5-2012 01:45:40 | 只看该作者

回复 #22 ecust 的帖子

你第二段是想说 exam的 disadvantage是吧.应该是,因为你第三段说的是advantage, 而且还 on the other hand.
这句话是什么意思? People may think it is an extra pay and it would be better if we take advantage of this period time to learn more knowledge, but I am not wholly agree with this opinion. 前面说应该不考试, 后面说你不同意这个观点, so, 你在说应该考试. 应该考试难道是因为它的disadvantage? 同样,你这一段后面全部都在说应该考试

逻辑功夫有待加强, 别人指出问题了自己还看不出来问题在哪里
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24#
发表于 18-5-2012 01:52:23 | 只看该作者

回复 #23 intimatezhang 的帖子

第三段的那个例子本身就非常weak, 如果要逻辑严密非要写一长段为啥这学校能领先. 你说他test weekly, 你知道只有他这样做? 即使只有他这样做, 这一定就是他领先的原因,也许他有别的高招? 把这个说清楚就非常繁琐了
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25#
 楼主| 发表于 18-5-2012 12:59:40 | 只看该作者
原帖由 intimatezhang 于 18-5-2012 01:45 发表
你第二段是想说 exam的 disadvantage是吧.应该是,因为你第三段说的是advantage, 而且还 on the other hand.
这句话是什么意思? People may think it is an extra pay and it would be better if we take advantage  ...


It is commonly believed that not only students but also teachers spend more time and energy if there is an examination which both of them need prepared. 人们普遍相信如果学生和老师需要准备考试那么他们都需要付出额外的时间和精力. People may think it is an extra pay and it would be better if we take advantage of this period time to learn more knowledge, but I am not wholly agree with this opinion. 同时大家也许认为这是一个额外的付出,我们可以用这段时间去学习更多的知识. The key point is, we cannot build a skyscraper without solid foundation, which means students need review the knowledge they learnt before (via examination) and confirm they handle it well first. 关键在于,我们建造摩天大楼的时候不能缺失坚固的基础. It would be meaningless if teacher continue teach students new knowledge regardless of care about whether listeners can master the theory. 老师不断教学生新的知识而不顾他们的掌握情况是毫无意义的. For instance, people suggest pupils to learn more about advanced mathematics, but meantime, they are not an expert in four arithmetic operations. 例如,人们建议小学生学习高等数学,但是同时他们都不能掌握四则运算. How they can achieve that? 他们如何学好高数? Therefore, it is worth to spend some time on examination to evaluate whether students master the knowledge well in order to figure the strategy of study out. 所以, 花时间在考试上去估计学生是否已经掌握完全并制定学习策略是值得的.

这里好像没有说考试的绝对好处或者坏处,只是举例为什么有人说有不好的影响,然后反驳一下, 不知道合理不.还是一定就要写优缺点?
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26#
发表于 18-5-2012 13:35:13 | 只看该作者
Sigh, 连你自己都不知道要写什么了....
你第三段明明说的要考试, 而第三段是第二段的转折,那第二段肯定要写不考试了. 就算你要写需要考试, 那你第二段的后面内容应该另起一段

段落的结构是 主题句+支持句 不是? 哪有主题句跟支持句说的完全是相法的方向的.
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27#
 楼主| 发表于 18-5-2012 13:47:32 | 只看该作者
原帖由 intimatezhang 于 18-5-2012 13:35 发表
Sigh, 连你自己都不知道要写什么了....
你第三段明明说的要考试, 而第三段是第二段的转折,那第二段肯定要写不考试了. 就算你要写需要考试, 那你第二段的后面内容应该另起一段

段落的结构是 主题句+支持句 不是?  ...


我没有要表达不要考试啊....这个是说有人觉得考试有bad effect, 我只是说有人这么觉得,但是这么认为没道理.
这段可以认为是在说考试是必要的.
第三段,转折的地方应该用的不对, 不是 on the other hand, 用 furthermore
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28#
发表于 18-5-2012 15:36:55 | 只看该作者
先不说段落主旨和论据。

我看了25楼LZ自己重新贴的那段,写的真是有点晦涩啊。不看你翻译的中文的话,我看得有点晕。用词有点不太精准。举例的写法非常有中文风格,可能你是想用点高级地道的词汇,但是好像效果不佳。

It is commonly believed that not only students but also teachers spend more time and energy if there is an examination which both of them need prepared. 人们普遍相信如果学生和老师需要准备考试那么他们都需要付出额外的时间和精力.
it is commonly believed that to prepare for exams, not only students but also teachers would have to take great extra efforts, which however could have been utilized in learning new chapters of knowledge.  蓝色的这半句可以用来取代下一段。
People may think it is an extra pay and it would be better if we take advantage of this period time to learn more knowledge, but I am not wholly agree with this opinion. 同时大家也许认为这是一个额外的付出,我们可以用这段时间去学习更多的知识.
extra pay 用在这里我觉得不顺啊。可以考虑这样写,people may think this cost of time or effort unnecessary, because it can be better utilized in learning more new knowledge instead.

The key point is, we cannot build a skyscraper without solid foundation, which means students need review the knowledge they learnt before (via examination) and confirm they handle it well first. 关键在于,我们建造摩天大楼的时候不能缺失坚固的基础.

It would be meaningless if teacher continue teach students new knowledge regardless of care about whether listeners can master the theory. 老师不断教学生新的知识而不顾他们的掌握情况是毫无意义的.

For instance, people suggest pupils to learn more about advanced mathematics, but meantime, they are not an expert in four arithmetic operations. 例如,人们建议小学生学习高等数学,但是同时他们都不能掌握四则运算. How they can achieve that? 他们如何学好高数?
以上关于摩天大楼和高数的举例,总觉得非常CHINGLISH啊,估计老外跟不上你的思路的。

Therefore, it is worth to spend some time on examination to evaluate whether students master the knowledge well in order to figure the strategy of study out. 所以, 花时间在考试上去估计学生是否已经掌握完全并制定学习策略是值得的.

Therefore, it is definitely worthwhile to invest time and effort on holding examination, which for the moment turns out to be a  very cost-effective approach to evaluate students' learning progress, so that corresponding teaching methods could be figured out accordingly.
原帖由 ecust 于 18-5-2012 12:59 发表


It is commonly believed that not only students but also teachers spend more time and energy if there is an examination which both of them need prepared. 人们普遍相信如果学生和老师需要准备考试那么他 ...
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29#
 楼主| 发表于 18-5-2012 16:25:51 | 只看该作者

回复 #28 YUEXMA 的帖子

唔........受教了,感谢!!
抓紧学习...看来离写作7还是有差距
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30#
发表于 18-5-2012 16:39:11 | 只看该作者
如果楼主雅思不赶七一的话,好好学学一下academic writing的基本知识吧。备考时间长可以看Writing Academic English这本。英文原版,非常漂亮。
时间短就读一下http://www.hioz.net/ibbs/thread-990121-1-1.html 这个精华帖子。 你写文章总要知道考官想要怎样的文章不是?

看你现在的文章,好像完全对essay的写法没有概念,都是自己背了一些句子土法上马。连基本的段落结构都没有搞清楚
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