请大家帮忙看看cover letter这样写可以吗？

bigfootcow

Dear Sir or Madam,

The XXXXXXX position you advertised in XXXXXX greatly interests me.
I have enclosed my resume for your review.

In June (2000), I graduated from XXXXXXX University which is ranked XXX in China with a bachelor degree of computer science.

After graduation, I gained over 9 years experiences on .NET programming, IT system deployment and windows workflow foundation while working at one of the top 3 XXXX groups in China. I have carried out over 10 management and website projects that the total budget was up to 8 million AUD. All of these are usually built with .NET, C#, VB and MS SQL Server Series. One of them won the first-class award of XXXXX Technical Committee, that less than three projects can get the award every year. Two of them won the excellent-class award of XXXXXX Technical Committee. I have 4 years experiences of .NET & C# and 6 years experiences of SQL Server database as a DBA. I am also familiar with windows series, such as windows 2000 server, 2003 server, active directory, DNS, SMS and so on. During my previous works, I was known for my great communication skills with clients and team members.  Many clients become long-term strategic technology partners of the company under my effective communication efforts.

With the experiences I described above, I believe I am a suitable candidate for XXXXXX position. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications more extensively in an interview. I can be reached at XXXXX or XXXXXX. Thank you for your consideration and look forward to hear you soon.

immoz

进来也学习一下

Decent

Dear Sir or Madam,

The XXXXXXX position you advertised on XXXXXX is of particular interest to me. I believe my experience and skills are an excellent fit for this position.

。。。。。。。。
。。。。。。。
I have enclosed my resume. I seek a conversation with you so that you may better gauge my qualifications, experience, and skills. I can be reached at XXXXX or XXXXXX. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

ccjjc

个人觉得第一二句有点Chinglish.
建议改成：
I wish to apply for the position of ....as posted on .....website on Date. Reference No.#### (If applicable)
然后开始进入正题。
最后才写 Please find the resume enclosed.

bigfootcow

修改了一下，改成这样

Dear Sir or Madam,
I wish to apply for the position of XXXXX as posted on www.seek.com.au.

In June (2000), I graduated from XXXXX University which is ranked 10th in China with a bachelor degree of computer science.

I have worked for IT department of one of the top XXXXX groups in China for over 10 years. For almost each Microsoft software is used in our company, I have a lot of experiences of installing and maintaining windows server series, Active Directory, DNS, SMS server, MS SQL server and MS Exchange2000 server.

As an administrator, I have administrated VMWARE server over 3 years. When deploying Cluster Files Storage Server, I chose FC SAN storage topology and used Netware6.0. I have maintained it over 6 years. I also have 4 years experiences of programming by using .NET & C#.

I have carried out over 10 management and website projects that the total budget was up to 8 million AUD. One of them won the first-class award of XXXXXXX Technical Committee. Two of them won the excellent-class award of XXXXXX Technical Committee.

During my previous works, I was known for my great communication skills with clients and team members. Many clients become long-term strategic technology partners of the company under my effective communication efforts.

With the experiences I described above, I believe I am a suitable candidate for your XXXXX position. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications more extensively in an interview. I can be reached at XXXXXX or XXXXXX . Thank you for your consideration and look forward to hear you soon.

Shanelhk

For almost each Microsoft software is used in our company, I have a lot of experiences of installing and maintaining windows server series, Active Directory, DNS, SMS server, MS SQL server and MS Exchange2000 server. 有点问题

Shanelhk

我以前用的， 供参考
Dear Dr XXX,  

Re: XXX/Reference No G089017

I wish to apply for the above position advertised on the website of seek.com. I have attached my CV and other required documents to give you an overview of my experience and training.

Adept at working as part of a team, I am an enthusiastic self-starter with initiative, passion and loads of drives to achieve individual and team goals. Apart from my work experience in the XXX industry, my research AND TEACHING experiences AT XXX UNI enable me to fulfil all the criteria for this position.

I look forward to having an opportunity to meet with you to further discuss how I can contribute to your team.

helenazy

LS的是正解释, 叙述项目经历写最近几年的就可,  具体到几年看招聘广告要求, 千万要倒叙, 别从大学毕业说起啊!

desiderata

Coverletter要有的放矢
1. 根据JD要求的技能逐点强调你与之匹配的技能，你不匹配的技能跳过
2. 最后一段简要表达你对求职公司的兴趣，赞美一下他们。。。

基本上每个coverletter都应该针对职位重写，你可以写先写一个模板，然后每次替换

knownnothing

Dear Sir or Madam ( if you know the recruiter's name, please write the name. e.g. Dear Mary or Dear John)

I wish to apply for the position of XXXXX  that is being advertised on www.ssek.com.au website.  I believe I meet the essential requirements relating to this position.

I have over 10 years work experience in IT industry. It covers programming via .NET & C#, deploying Cluster Files Storage Server,installing and maintaining windows server series, Active Directory, DNS, SMS server, MS SQL server and MS Exchange2000 server. In addition, I involved in more than 10 management and website projects that the total budget was up to 8 million AUD. One of them won the first-class award of XXXXXXX Technical Committee. Two of them won the excellent-class award of XXXXXX Technical Committee.


In summary, I like new challenges and I am motivated to succeed in overcoming them so as to continually broaden my personal skills and experience. I hope I could develop my potential skills in this role.Thank you for your time to consider my application and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

XXXX

knownnothing

原帖由 desiderata 于 21-10-2009 09:31 发表

                               
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Coverletter要有的放矢
1. 根据JD要求的技能逐点强调你与之匹配的技能，你不匹配的技能跳过
2. 最后一段简要表达你对求职公司的兴趣，赞美一下他们。。。

基本上每个coverletter都应该针对职位重写，你可以写先 ...

还有一点就是，避弱突强。语言没有优势，就用技术说话。写的越多，错的越多，那就挑主要的写，就是你应聘的职位要求啥，你写啥。

第二条，我觉得在面试的时候说这些也不晚吧。

knownnothing

原帖由 helenazy 于 21-10-2009 00:11 发表

                               
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LS的是正解释, 叙述项目经历写最近几年的就可,  具体到几年看招聘广告要求, 千万要倒叙, 别从大学毕业说起啊!

喜欢这个评论。

qqhong

cover letter

1，起始是你的姓名，地址，可以加上你的email

2，然后是对方的姓名，职位，地址。就如同英文信格式一样。

3，写信的时间

4，Dear MR ***/Ms/MRs/ Miss***，尽量避免用sir/madam，如果不知道姓名，最好打电话问一下

5 文章正文

6，结尾处一般写Yours sincerely, 如果实在不知道对方的名字，要写Yours faithfully.

bigfootcow

谢谢各位的建议。

auatb

通常在广告上都有提供更多信息的联系人，直接写Dear XXX即可，cover letter是对你本身技能的一个总结，不是记流水帐。无论你的措辞如何，要提供给看信人一个顺序：
第一段：你对该职位有兴趣
第二段：你哪些hard skills (工作经验，电脑技能，知识等）符合该职位要求
第三段：你有哪些soft skills (沟通，客户意识，团队精神，工作主动等）
第四段：告知联系方式，希望得到面试机会。

ccjjc

原帖由 auatb 于 21-10-2009 17:01 发表

                               
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通常在广告上都有提供更多信息的联系人，直接写Dear XXX即可，cover letter是对你本身技能的一个总结，不是记流水帐。无论你的措辞如何，要提供给看信人一个顺序：
第一段：你对该职位有兴趣
第二段：你哪些hard s ...

强烈同意！！

tttkoo

标准中式英语。

bigfootcow

应当怎样修改比较好呢？麻烦指点一下。

dennis

读的好累，飘过
写了这么多 i i i 自己都不觉得麻烦？

[ 本帖最后由 dennis 于 25-10-2009 22:28 编辑 ]

uniwg

技术上是大牛，被英文害了。没法子，请鬼佬润色一下，付点小钱

joen

原帖由 bigfootcow 于 20-10-2009 23:09 发表

                               
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修改了一下，改成这样

Dear Sir or Madam,
I wish to apply for the position of XXXXX as posted on www.seek.com.au.

In June (2000), I graduated from XXXXX University which is ranked 10th in China w ...

还没登录吧？
从英语的角度来说，这给中国人还能看，离老外的标准就差太远了。不好意思，打击你一下。过来上SkillMax，能锤炼出好cover letter来。7楼的有好句式。
从内容方面来讲，这与其说是cover letter, 还不如说是简历。

[ 本帖最后由 joen 于 6-12-2009 21:45 编辑 ]

adelle

我要是HR这CL直接放一边。

mgdhy

原帖由 bigfootcow 于 20-10-2009 21:38 发表

                               
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Dear Sir or Madam,

The XXXXXXX position you advertised in XXXXXX greatly interests me.
I have enclosed my resume for your review.

In June (2000), I graduated from XXXXXXX University which is ranked XXX in China with a bachelor degree of computer science.

After graduation, I gained over 9 years experiences on .NET programming, IT system deployment and windows workflow foundation while working at one of the top 3 XXXX groups in China. I have carried out over 10 management and website projects that the total budget was up to 8 million AUD. All of these are usually built with .NET, C#, VB and MS SQL Server Series. One of them won the first-class award of XXXXX Technical Committee, that less than three projects can get the award every year. Two of them won the excellent-class award of XXXXXX Technical Committee. I have 4 years experiences of .NET & C# and 6 years experiences of SQL Server database as a DBA. I am also familiar with windows series, such as windows 2000 server, 2003 server, active directory, DNS, SMS and so on. During my previous works, I was known for my great communication skills with clients and team members.  Many clients become long-term strategic technology partners of the company under my effective communication efforts.

With the experiences I described above, I believe I am a suitable candidate for XXXXXX position. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications more extensively in an interview. I can be reached at XXXXX or XXXXXX. Thank you for your consideration and look forward to hear you soon. ...

读了一遍。坦诚地说，我感觉你是什么都懂，什么都会，万能式的人才。但招人公司可能看完就把这个lay aside，我这样说你别介意。你其实只是蜻蜓浮水清描淡写了一遍过去的工作时间。你没有把解决问题的能力，和你自己优于别人的某个superiority放在重点上去描述，那么人家公司为什么要招你去？

另外要从最近的职业岗位开始，从现在往以前去写．

uniwg

万精油的这里很难有机会，就希望你一工作就是写程序或者做网络。

mgdhy

所以，我才对楼主说，他那样写是不行的，他那样写就让别人认为他是个万能式的人才，万能式的人才现在已经out了，职业细分越来越明显，如果不＂帅＂，那一定要表现的＂怪＂，是个专才，才有公司看中啊。