作文求批改啊，老是5.5分啊

windwing00

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What do you think the government do to reduce the amount of rubbish produced?

At the present time, every family and company generate large amount of garbage, such as plastic bags, paper, batteries and so on. This rubbish makes a threat to the world’s environment, which consume huge amount of resources and energy on processing it. Every country wants to reduce the rubbish in terms of amount and threat to our life.
                Several factors contribute to the generating of rubbish. Over packaging is the first aspect should be taken into account. Taking mooncake for example, many people find that there are only 6-8 mooncakes in one beautiful-decorated packaging bag, which is made of paper, metal materials. This precious decoration will be thrown as rubbish after we eat the mooncakes. Many other products are also over packaged when they were produced, especially present given to other people in China. Secondly, the improvement of living quality also lead to increasing amount of rubbish. In China, every family’s material life is better than before, which naturally produces more throwing in terms of food waste, used clothes and so on.
        The huge amount of rubbish is the authority’s prior problem to be tackled. Firstly, authority should encourage every citizen to use recycled package. If every company use recycled material to package its products and every consumer are happy to buy these products, little rubbish will be thrown to the street side. Secondly, the government should invest more money in the research of improving efficiency in traditional companies, which used to generate the largest amount of rubbish.
        In conclusion, reducing of rubbish is not only the government’s responsibility, but also every citizen’s (including every company) in the beautiful planet.

PGKTD

英文不好的路过，等高手
我的感觉文章有点乱，思路不是很清楚的感觉

windwing00

你是说我的文章吗？

wuyeqw

第一句，改成被动语态。。。。。。作文中尽量不要出现第一人称，I We最好改成被动。

第二段，第二句长句指代不明。

第三段第四段，除了firstly，secondly，还有别的表达方式来表示顺序吗？

第四段，主语和谓语的时态不对应。

最后一段最后一句缺谓语。



有时5.5和6之间，可能就差一个出彩的连接词
或者少错几个时态

建议LZ自己写完后好好检查，再多积累几个词组就差不多了。

windwing00

谢谢楼上的兄弟啊，我现在也不敢奢望7分了，作文和口语6分就满足了。