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标题: 立贴纪念我4年雅思路6666 [打印本页]

作者: pud 时间: 14-5-2016 14:01
标题: 立贴纪念我4年雅思路6666
还记得从11年底开始接触雅思，11年12月环球雅思的学习，到12年4月初战雅思，到2016年5.13号收到香港IDP的成绩信息。总共经历了接近51周的时间，考的是精疲力尽，总算从最初的5分到现在的总分6.5，单科6，也算是6炸了
首先我还是要感谢我自己，这么多年，事情特别多。单位的个人的，感情上的。我还是坚持下来了正如好友Tricia说的WELL DONE! Congratulations my friend.Your perserverance, your committment, your dedication to the task has been so admirable.我从绵阳一个很偏远的地方走出来，英语垃圾的很。特别是我的发音，我在12念考雅思的时候，觉得我这辈子口语都上不到6，好在后来遇到了DAVID。大卫是一个脾气不太好的人，但是他真的是一个挚友加语言专家，他特别喜欢纠错。在认识DAVID一个月后我上到了6，之后的10多次雅思除了一个新考官给我打过5.5外。从来没有下个6，中间有两次6.5一次7.我在这里要特别感谢给我打7分的美国老太太NANCY，当时我是NANCY最后一个考生，她出门很远迎接我，最后给我了一个难以置信的7分，这个7分真的是让我信心大增。当时不知道NANCY的名字，后来我们又在机场偶遇。现在是很好的朋友，口语一直都是这样
在这里我不得不说我狗血的写作。写作首先我要感谢RAINY,她是一个很好的人，是她领我进雅思这个门的，可惜中间很多事情，我们也不在是朋友了，下午她一辈子开心。中间DAVID对我辅导过。怎奈自己不努力。加上DAVID本身讨厌写作，不了了之，后来去成都找了XX现任考官，他也给了我很多帮助。包括上个月给我的作文写FEEDBACK。我后面整理分享这个FEEDBACK给大家。这中间还要感谢NMIT的前教授RON，他也给我修改过10多篇文章，还有SUE PAUL,SUE是我这辈子遇到的最伟大的老师，她对任何学生都是一样的尽心尽力，是SUE春节在墨尔本餐桌上委婉的抱怨我写作不努力，让我下定决心在3月练习了10多篇作文。这中间，我还要感谢英国人Matthew, 美国志愿者，JEFF SARA夫妇，还有澳洲 TRICIA CLIVE JOHN
这中间，我要特别感谢西澳的DENG，是他为我打开了一扇窗户，还有去贵州考试遇到的强哥，感谢他的一直祝福，以及从西澳到悉尼的陪伴，还有老胡，我喜欢你的儿子。HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON

下面说说，我对不同雅思考点的看法，中间在成都考的次数最多，其次是贵阳，还有河内，西安墨尔本，以及香港。个人觉得墨尔本最人性化，打分也相对公正，我在墨尔本写作6.5，一周后去越南河内，5.5，这中间，我觉得除了自身实力外，也有越南人针对中国考生。去越南考都要特别检查中国人。但是总体服务还可以。服务最差的是大陆。其次是香港，这次虽然考过，但是在香港考从早上8.30入场，到下午1.20才出来到，导致我朋友以外在考场遇到意外差点报警

作者: zyon 时间: 14-5-2016 18:36
我靠, 怎么成我陪伴你了. 是你陪伴我

作者: colordance 时间: 14-5-2016 20:12

毅力可佳

作者: lucky2015 时间: 14-5-2016 23:23
超强烤鸭

作者: windwing00 时间: 15-5-2016 00:46

作者: pud 时间: 15-5-2016 01:46
谢谢各位，如果有想考6的，可以咨询我，我对雅思每课都比较了解。对雅思资料，也是，我有一大堆。

作者: pud 时间: 15-5-2016 01:54
Task one
The bar chart illustrates the main reasons why young boys watched the Formula one in March 2007
It is clear that most young boys followed the Formula one because of excitement and speed of cars. There was less than ten percent young males whose reasons were not given in this bar chart.
Looking at the bar chart in details, we can find out that more than fifty percent young males watched Formula one for excitement and the figure for speed of cars was slight less than excitement. 44% young males followed the Formula one because of sport technology. Around one third young males watch this game because they were interested in drivers and teams,36% and 29% separately. The figure for modern was just under one forth in the same year. Meanwhile, the figures for glamour, brands and favourite sport were quite similar, about on eighth. Less than ten percent young males followed the Formula one because of honesty and fairness. We do not know the reasons for seven percent young boys why then followed Formula one from this chart

作者: pud 时间: 15-5-2016 01:55
Task two

It has become far more normal for pregnant to have time off after they born their next generations. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this outweigh its drawbacks.

It is true that there are some drawbacks for companies to give their young mothers time off. First of all, a company needs to find someone to replace the young mothers position when this company gives time off for a young mother. This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job that need long time training or experiences. The company is unlikely to find someone to do this job for a short time as when the young mother return to the company, the new worker has to leave or the company needs to employ one more person. This could be a burden for the company. Secondly, extra money is needed to pay for the young mother when they are on holiday. In China, for example, companies need to pay salaries and insurance for the young mothers when they look after their infants in a short time.

However, it is advantageous not only for families but also for the society, if women are allowed to have time off after their babies are born. For a family, it is beneficial for the upbringing of a child, if his/her mother has enough time to keep he/she company. Although their grand parents are able to look after the young infants, no one can delay that a mother is the best person to do this job. Especially, in China, we have one child policy. For many families, the child is the central of the universe, grandparents are more likely spoil their children, they give the child whatever the child wants. This is detrimental for the childs future. For the society, if the young mother is allowed to have enough time to take care the child who are more likely to become a productive and good member of the society.

In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks for companies to give young mother time off, their families and the society will definitely benefit more from this policy.
这是我写的，下面是现任考官的FEEDBACK ,需要的可以学习哈

作者: pud 时间: 15-5-2016 01:56
Essay Feedback March 2016
This is finally the final draft of your essay feedback on the two essays you sent me a couple of weeks ago!
Let’s start with Task 2.

This is your original answer, which as I said in my first draft I rated as a 6.

It has become far more normal for pregnant to have time off after they born their next generations. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this outweigh its drawbacks.
It is true that there are some drawbacks for companies to give their young mothers time off. First of all, a company needs to find someone to replace the young mothers position when this company gives time off for a young mother. This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job that need long time training or experiences. The company is unlikely to find someone to do this job for a short time as when the young mother return to the company, the new worker has to leave or the company needs to employ one more person. This could be a burden for the company. Secondly, extra money is needed to pay for the young mother when they are on holiday. In China, for example, companies need to pay salaries and insurance for the young mothers when they look after their infants in a short time.
However, it is advantageous not only for families but also for the society, if women are allowed to have time off after their babies are born. For a family, it is beneficial for the upbringing of a child, if his/her mother has enough time to keep he/she company. Although their grand parents are able to look after the young infants, no one can delay that a mother is the best person to do this job.
Especially, in China, we have one child policy. For many families, the child is the central of the universe, grandparents are more likely spoil their children, they give the child whatever the child wants. This is detrimental for the childs future. For the society, if the young mother is allowed to have enough time to take care the child who are more likely to become a productive and good member of the society.
In conclusion,  although there are some drawbacks for companies to give young mother time off, their families and the society will definitely benefit more from this policy.

Let’s run through some feedback on the scores before we look at the corrected essay that you asked for.
Content (内容): 6
You are on topic and the second and third paragraphs are obviously one for, and one against.  The second paragraph contains two points, however, which are basically different and a native speaker would have used two.  The problem is that the second point about the company paying insurance is not developed at all (and also suffers from a breakdown in prepositions (in) and appropriacy (insurance) which makes the second point even less clear). The conclusion is quite nice, but suffers from introducing the description 'policy' for the first time.  A higher level essay, therefore, has clearer points (观点), and they are all developed well, and the conclusion supports them without adding any new information.

Logic: 6
This is fine for a 6.  There are issues with referencing which mean the essay is not near a 7 for logic.  For example: "This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job that need long time training or experiences."  Here it is not clear what the relative pronoun 'that' refers to, and in fact it seems it should have been re-written to form part of the conditional structure to which it belongs, but the writer is unable to do it.  This is typical of some other errors, and also there are places where the relationship between ideas is not well marked at all, for example the relationship between 'one child policy, centre of the universe, grandparents spoil' etc, which are not well linked.  Overall, some good use of sequencers (Although, firstly, secondly) and the flow of the essay is the right fit for a Logic band 6.

Vocab: 6
This is difficult to rate- the score you get will depend a lot on your examiner and how many mistakes you make when writing the essay using pencil on the day.  There are some nice examples of collocation which would lift the score to a 7 for vocab (find someone to replace the ... position),(be a burden for the company),(beneficial for the childs upbringing),(detrimental for the childs future).  But this is spoiled by repeated lower level inaccuracy (unable to use collocation "give birth"),(pregnant - pregnant women),(long time training - do training for a long time),(in a short time - for a short time),(delay - deny).  Essentially if you had one less mistake and a generous examiner you might get a 7 for vocab, but one less high level phrase and a strict examiner and you might get a 5. For a higher level score you need to focus on making fewer mistakes in your collocation.

Grammar: 6
This is the weakest part of the essay.  There is correct use of relative pronouns (that) conditional clauses (if) and infinitive for purpose (to), but also several errors for all of these, particularly at the end.  A complete breakdown in use of relative pronouns in the penultimate sentence means that an examiner who can't speak Chinese probably can't understand it.  Also, in this penultimate paragraph, there are large numbers of subject-verb-object simple structures which are typical of a band 5 essay.  Because some correct complex sentences are present it gets a six, but one or two more errors in these and the essay would be given 5 for grammar.

Overall Score: 6.
In a good day you might luck a 6.5, but you are more likely to make mistakes when you write with pencil which would reduce your score to a 5.5.

Finally, you said it would be useful to have a corrected version of the essay, with changes highlighted in red.  See if the following is what you were looking for:

It has become far more normal for pregnant women to have time off after they give birth to their next generation. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this outweigh its drawbacks.
It is true that there are some drawbacks for companies which give their young mothers time off. First of all, a company needs to find someone to replace the young mother’s position when this company gives time off to the young mother. This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job which may need long training or experience. The company is unlikely to find someone to do this job for a short time as when the young mother returns to the company, the new worker has to leave or the company needs to employ one more person. This could be a burden for the company. Secondly, extra money is needed to pay for the young mother when they are on leave. In China, for example, companies need to pay salary and benefits for the young mothers when they look after their infants during that short time.
However, it is advantageous not only for families but also for society if women are allowed to have time off after their babies are born. For a family, it is beneficial for the upbringing of a child if its mother has enough time to keep it company. Although their grandparents are able to look after young infants, no one can deny that a mother is the best person to do this job.
In China we have the one child policy. So for many families, especially in China, the child is the centre of the universe, therefore grandparents are more likely spoil their grandchildren, and give the child whatever it wants. This is detrimental for the child’s future. For society, if the young mother is allowed to have enough time to take care of her child it is more likely to become a productive and good member of society.
In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks for companies to give young mothers time off, their families and society will definitely benefit more from maternity leave.

Remember, this essay now doesn’t have any obvious mistakes, but doesn’t include changes in logic, such as the second drawback in paragraph 2 which would be better expanded into another paragraph, and I haven’t corrected overuse of the phrase ‘young mother’ which would be better finding other alternatives for (such as ‘mother’, ‘new mother’, ‘parent’, ‘new parent’ etc etc).
Now let’s look at Task 1.

Here’s your original answer:

The bar chart illustrates the main reasons why young boys watched the Formula one in March 2007
It is clear that most young boys followed the Formula one because of excitement and speed of cars. There was less than ten percent young males whose reasons were not given in this bar chart.
Looking at the bar chart in details, we can find out that more than fifty percent  young males watched Formula one for excitement and the figure for speed of cars was slight less than excitement. 44% young males followed the Formula one because of sport technology. Around one third young males watch this game because they were interested in drivers and teams,36% and 29% separately. The figure for modern was just under one forth in the same year. Meanwhile, the figures for glamour,  brands and favourite sport were quite similar, about on eighth. Less than ten percent young males followed the Formula one  because of honesty and fairness. We do not know the reasons for seven percent young boys why then followed Formula one from this chart.

So, as I said in my first draft, I thought this would be an overall score of 6, although, as I also said about Task 2 it might well become a 5.5 if you had written it in 20 minutes using pencil.

Content (内容) 6.
Full, and covers everything.  Saying that you don't know the last 7% in the overview is odd (maybe you wanted to use your ‘whose’ sentence - bad choice as it reduces the score). However, it does look a little like you just went through the data one by one, rather than finding any real differences between information, for example that glamour and brands are clearly less important and commenting that the graph only shows data about boys.  This ability to notice interesting things from the data and CATEGORIZE the data is your main area of improvement, in my opinion, in your whole IELTS test.
Logic: 6
The logic is satisfactory - enough for a six.  The inclusion of a minor detail in the overview paragraph is a pity, and some innappropriacy (‘seperately’, instead of ‘respectively’) holds the score to a six.  In any case, the overview also has one big piece of information followed by the smallest.  A higher level candidate would use a linking word to show contrast here: ‘however just under 10 percent of males didn’t have any of the reasons given’ or something to that effect.  The last sentence also has a problem with referencing (words like his, her, its which refer back to things mentioned before), which I would probably mark down as a grammar problem though (see below).
Vocab: 6
Vocab is fine for a six.  Nice paraphrasing, but a bit too much.  A selection of phrases with higher appropriacy would lift the score.  ‘The figure for modern was just under one forth in the same year’ is an example of the lumpy way you have used words from the graph and tried to add that to different ways of saying the numbers.  A higher level candidate would have said something like ‘Just under one fourth of the males in the survey said that the modernity of Formula One was a reason for being a follower’. This is real paraphrasing.  Note the change of word type for ‘modern’ and ‘following’.  This ability to be flexible in Task 1 is so important because the words you have to use are given in the chart or diagram.
Grammar: 6
Also fine for a six.  There is a mixture of sentences, but a complete balls up of the relative clause/attempt at referencing in the last sentence is an example of the inaccuracy that means you don’t get a higher score, both for this and the Logic score.  This is a bigger problem in your Task 2 essay though, so in Task 1 you should focus more on being flexible with vocabulary.

Overall Task 1 Score: 6.
Remember, typing means that silly spelling mistakes are removed: you always have these in your handwritten essays.  In some cases this can reduce your vocab score to a 5.

So, overall you would have got a 6 for these two tasks together.
You need to focus on:
1. On reducing mistakes with collocations in your vocabulary.  Without these you are much more likely to get a higher score.  This is especially important in Task 1 because there is such a small amount of vocabulary that you actually can use.  You need to understand the differences between nouns, adjectives, verb forms and move between these using the vocabulary given.

2. On reducing grammatical mistakes.  Some less experienced examiners mark candidates with mistakes very harshly, so in an unlucky day this will affect your score a lot.  As I mentioned in the feedback above, these mistakes become more obvious in Task 2 where you have much more space to show off what grammar structures you know, but also a greater chance that you will make obvious mistakes.  Go back and review the work we did a long time ago on ‘that, which, who’, as these relative pronouns are essential for a band 6 candidate to have some control of.  We did a whole class on it last year if I remember correctly.

3. Task 1 reveals your lack of flexibility.  This is very, very common in China, because students prepare a 格式, and then use it whatever the question is.  This is OK for a 6 in task 2, but never works in task 1.  Your task 1 score will be pulling down your overall writing score. You need to learn to CATEGORIZE THE DATA and do it differently for every task 2 presented.  Look for what interesting new things about the world we can learn from the graph/bar chart/pie chart, however boring the data set is. This, Leo is the key to your higher writing score, your key to passing IELTS, and indeed your key to moving to Australia.

作者: pud 时间: 15-5-2016 01:58
这个FEEDBACK是我花900大洋得来的，另外还有一篇前任考官点评的文章，如果楼下有人需要，我改天贴上来

作者: vipzql 时间: 15-5-2016 22:41
恭喜楼主，毅力可嘉

作者: wanshibugong 时间: 15-5-2016 23:03
这个是好东西，需要顶一下！

作者: OZ天堂 时间: 15-5-2016 23:55
LZ，你的时间好长啊，是中间没时间吗？11年到16年，能坚持下来确实不容易，我也想考4个6 ，零基础，看你这样我都没信心了

作者: pud 时间: 16-5-2016 00:38

OZ天堂发表于 15-5-2016 22:55
LZ，你的时间好长啊，是中间没时间吗？11年到16年，能坚持下来确实不容易，我也想考4个6 ，零基础，看你这 ...

相信自己可以的，我中间事情比较多，没有全身心的投入，不是SUE说我的话，我估计都还考不过。自己全身投入一定能够过的，我最初也是只会说HELLO goodbye

作者: pud 时间: 16-5-2016 00:39

pud 发表于 15-5-2016 23:38
相信自己可以的，我中间事情比较多，没有全身心的投入，不是SUE说我的话，我估计都还考不过。自己全身投 ...

你有什么问题都可以问我，只要是关于雅思的。

作者: dcxg 时间: 16-5-2016 07:24
考了多少次?

这种人才澳洲不需要的啊

作者: chubbycat 时间: 16-5-2016 07:29

作者: Serin 时间: 16-5-2016 14:57

作者: SusanChen 时间: 17-5-2016 03:14

dcxg 发表于 16-5-2016 06:24
考了多少次?

这种人才澳洲不需要的啊

你这种带着有色眼镜的人澳洲才不需要！~

楼主分享了宝贵的经验有什么问题？造福后来人啊！~

你自己不作为不要恶语相向，最鄙视就是你这种自以为是的人！~

作者: SusanChen 时间: 17-5-2016 03:20

pud 发表于 15-5-2016 00:58
这个FEEDBACK是我花900大洋得来的，另外还有一篇前任考官点评的文章，如果楼下有人需要，我改天贴上来

楼主好样的！～　加油！～

作者: dcxg 时间: 17-5-2016 08:31

SusanChen 发表于 17-5-2016 02:14
你这种带着有色眼镜的人澳洲才不需要！~

楼主分享了宝贵的经验有什么问题？造福后来人啊！~

连个英语都说不利索，方法不对啊

你就使劲的鄙视我吧！who cares！

作者: dcxg 时间: 17-5-2016 08:32
80后的吧，英文还介种水平，考了5年

5年开个公司直接投资移民多好

澳洲介个地方，找个工作都难
做生意更是血拼

介个英语水准来澳洲代购么

作者: chubbycat 时间: 17-5-2016 10:28
周星星考了10年

周星星来澳洲代购

@雅瑶冬月 @Serin @jc2602 @愚夫 @蓝山夜妖 @8戒 @Samuel_ChenSJ @shanzee @moroker @熊猫阿三 @chu4 @ArBen @fzds @littleharry @Lopemann @sjtuyan @dcxg @周星星1832 @yeats_only @don @我爱猫眯 @李天真 @黑玛丽

作者: 周星星1832 时间: 17-5-2016 10:30

chubbycat 发表于 17-5-2016 09:28
周星星考了10年周星星来澳洲代购

三次。。。

作者: chubbycat 时间: 17-5-2016 10:30

SusanChen 发表于 16-5-2016 08:14
你这种带着有色眼镜的人澳洲才不需要！~

楼主分享了宝贵的经验有什么问题？造福后来人啊！~

dcxg没事四处找抽

@melody_iic

作者: chubbycat 时间: 17-5-2016 10:39

dcxg 发表于 16-5-2016 13:31
连个英语都说不利索，方法不对啊

你就使劲的鄙视我吧！who cares！

周星星 cares

作者: 周星星1832 时间: 17-5-2016 10:44

chubbycat 发表于 17-5-2016 09:39
周星星 cares

别跟个苍蝇是的围着别人乱转乱拍。。没人关心你们内点破事。。
人家写个帖子容易吗。。

作者: chubbycat 时间: 17-5-2016 10:48

周星星1832 发表于 16-5-2016 15:44
别跟个苍蝇是的围着别人乱转乱拍。。没人关心你们内点破事。。
人家写个帖子容易吗。。

人家写个帖子不容易

苍蝇周星星 dcxg

作者: 黑玛丽 时间: 17-5-2016 21:21

chubbycat 发表于 17-5-2016 09:28
周星星考了10年周星星来澳洲代购

看了也急死人哇。。。要得心脏病的节奏。。

作者: pud 时间: 18-5-2016 06:13
我做代购也好，做什么也好，这些都不重要，重要的是我过去过的开心，我现在情况比dcxg说的好点，澳洲工作没有，大问题，我另外有一个澳洲朋友等我过去开公司，我国内自己也有公司，我发帖只有两个原因，一个是感谢曾经帮我的人，一个是想帮还在考雅思的人，我口语也不是它说的那么烂，native speaker朋友十几个交流问题不大，感谢定帖的每一个朋友

作者: dcxg 时间: 18-5-2016 07:18

pud 发表于 18-5-2016 05:13
我做代购也好，做什么也好，这些都不重要，重要的是我过去过的开心，我现在情况比dcxg说的好点，澳洲工作没 ...

很好，很经拍

作者: dcxg 时间: 18-5-2016 07:20

pud 发表于 18-5-2016 05:13
我做代购也好，做什么也好，这些都不重要，重要的是我过去过的开心，我现在情况比dcxg说的好点，澳洲工作没 ...

先干labor，知道土澳的人力成本
先开公司，是国人的通病，你不了解澳洲社会，王八朝的思维需要转变！

作者: dcxg 时间: 18-5-2016 07:22
楼主有毅力，没方法

这种毅力不值得提倡

作者: chubbycat 时间: 18-5-2016 07:30

dcxg 发表于 17-5-2016 12:20
先干labor，知道土澳的人力成本
先开公司，是国人的通病，你不了解澳洲社会，王八朝的思维需要转变！

@周星星1832 先做代购

作者: SusanChen 时间: 19-5-2016 01:10

dcxg 发表于 17-5-2016 07:31
连个英语都说不利索，方法不对啊

你就使劲的鄙视我吧！who cares！

Nobody cares you!

只是觉得你恶心而已！~ 好像自己很行，其实你什么都不是，只是得不到关注，到处找抽的可怜虫而已。。。。

作者: SusanChen 时间: 19-5-2016 01:10

dcxg 发表于 17-5-2016 07:31
连个英语都说不利索，方法不对啊

你就使劲的鄙视我吧！who cares！

Nobody cares you!

只是觉得你恶心而已！~ 好像自己很行，其实你什么都不是，只是得不到关注，到处找抽的可怜虫而已。。。。

作者: SusanChen 时间: 19-5-2016 01:11

dcxg 发表于 17-5-2016 07:31
连个英语都说不利索，方法不对啊

你就使劲的鄙视我吧！who cares！

Nobody cares you!

只是觉得你恶心而已！~ 好像自己很行，其实你什么都不是，只是过时条得不到关注，到处找抽的可怜虫而已。。。。

作者: pud 时间: 19-5-2016 01:27
Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
People have different views about the question that governments or private companies should be responsible for carriing or controlling scientific research,?Personally, I believe that the answer for this question is really depends on what kinds of research we are talking about.
On the one hand, it can be argued that some researches should be conducted and controlled because of profit and security reasons. From the profit perspective, these researches that need long term investment may need to be conducted by the state. The reason for this is that many private companies are profit maker, they do not want to invest money to one research constantly without getting profit. One the security level, various researches should be controlled by the governments, these researches like space or weapon researches which could lead to distarious result if they are out of control.
On the other hand some would argue that the role of the government is making regulations and laws but doing this researchs. The politications have the power to controll or even ban the dangerous research. If the government can make the law strictly, The safty could be guaranteed.Besides there are a large number of companies which are doing research independently without having any trouble.if the government has to spend a large amount of money in doing these research, the money for the public and education will be infulenced.
In conclusion. I belive that some researches should be conducted and controlled by the governmet,however, it would be better for the private companies to do another researches in other areas

作者: pud 时间: 19-5-2016 01:28
Dear Leo, I have tried to download your document and make some comments and changes to it, but I cannot.  Is it written and sent as a Word document?  If not, please send as a Word document again.
There are some things immediately that I will mention.  First, you should write at least as many words as it says, 150 or 250. Do not write fewer words.  Points are taken off for too few words, but not for too many.
Second,  If the question asks, "To what extent to you agree or disagree?", you should choose a side (agree or disagree) and then tell how strongly you agree or disagree with this opinion.  It's not as good to sit on both sides of the fence and argue for both sides.
Third, the phrases, "On the one hand" and "on the other hand" are overused.  Try to find some other phrases that indicate the logic that you feel comfortable using.
Fourth, before you begin writing, make a short and simple outline of the points you want to make.  This will help you stay organized.  However， actually, your organization is pretty good.
I would edit some language if you could send it again.  I hope this is some help.
Yours,

作者: pud 时间: 19-5-2016 01:31
Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
People have different views about the question whether governments or private companies should be responsible for carrying out or controlling scientific research, Personally, I believe that the answer to this question really depends on what kinds of research we are talking about.
First, it can be argued that some research should be conducted and controlled by governments because of profit reasons.  From this perspective, these kinds of research, that need long term investment, may need to be conducted by the state. The reason for this is that private companies are geared to make profits and they do not want to invest money into research without realizing profit.
In the area of security, some research should be controlled by governments.  These  research  areas, like space or weapons research, could lead to disastrous results if they get out of control.
On the other hand some would argue that the role of the government is making regulations and laws but not being involved in research. Politicians should have the power to control, or even ban, dangerous research. If governments can strictly enforce laws, safety can be guaranteed.
At the present time there are a large number of companies doing research independently without any trouble.  if governments have to spend a large amount of money doing research, money for other public benefits and education will be influenced.
In conclusion, I believe that some research should be conducted and controlled by the government, however, it would be better for private companies to do other research in other areas.

I think it would be better if you chose one side and then made an argument for the extent of your opinion.

作者: pud 时间: 19-5-2016 01:31
这是另外一个前考官点评的，希望对大家有用。谢谢

作者: dcxg 时间: 19-5-2016 06:57

SusanChen 发表于 19-5-2016 00:10
Nobody cares you!

只是觉得你恶心而已！~ 好像自己很行，其实你什么都不是，只是得不到关注，到处找 ...

好，关于关注

你写个帖子挺吸引眼球的，哥特么的不容易的钻进来，没看下去，填了半天堵，哥特么的发个牢骚，拍个砖怎么啦？

别学得跟林黛玉似的，处处要求关注，安慰，好么？
大家都是成年人，你要找个树洞，不是在论坛唧唧歪歪，公共场合

这人，怎么长不大呢？

你雅思考了几年啊

作者: dcxg 时间: 19-5-2016 06:59
都特么21世纪啦

要学会心理调节，论坛上不都是你父母，要照顾你各种情绪的啊

要有听到反面意见的觉悟！反思吧，孩子们

作者: dcxg 时间: 19-5-2016 06:59
倒霉孩子，真心让我生气

作者: chubbycat 时间: 19-5-2016 07:31

SusanChen 发表于 18-5-2016 06:11
Nobody cares you!

只是觉得你恶心而已！~ 好像自己很行，其实你什么都不是，只是过时条得不到关注， ...

谢谢分享！

@雅瑶冬月 @Serin @jc2602 @愚夫 @蓝山夜妖 @8戒 @Samuel_ChenSJ @shanzee @moroker @熊猫阿三 @chu4 @ArBen @fzds @littleharry @Lopemann @sjtuyan @周星星1832 @yeats_only @don @我爱猫眯 @李天真

作者: chubbycat 时间: 19-5-2016 07:32

dcxg 发表于 18-5-2016 11:57
好，关于关注

你写个帖子挺吸引眼球的，哥特么的不容易的钻进来，没看下去，填了半天堵，哥特么的发个 ...

@周星星1832 雅思考了6年

作者: dcxg 时间: 19-5-2016 08:05
特么的说我恶心！

很生气！

求安慰！

作者: chubbycat 时间: 19-5-2016 08:07

dcxg 发表于 18-5-2016 13:05
特么的说我恶心！

很生气！

@周星星1832 @李天真 @蓝山夜妖 @chu4 dcxg 求安慰！

作者: dcxg 时间: 20-5-2016 07:10
居然没有安慰！

作者: dcxg 时间: 20-5-2016 07:12
要想点赞，有微信！

永远听不到反面意见！
看到类似dcxg介种，直接拉黑！

论坛不是你们呆的地方的啊

作者: dcxg 时间: 20-5-2016 07:13
@chubbycat 哥说的很有道理的吧？

作者: chubbycat 时间: 20-5-2016 07:18
dcxg 说的很有道理

作者: chubbycat 时间: 20-5-2016 07:20

dcxg 发表于 19-5-2016 12:10
居然没有安慰！

dcxg 求安慰！！！

@雅瑶冬月 @Serin @jc2602 @愚夫 @蓝山夜妖 @8戒 @Samuel_ChenSJ @shanzee @moroker @熊猫阿三 @chu4 @ArBen @fzds @littleharry @Lopemann @sjtuyan @dcxg @周星星1832 @yeats_only @don @我爱猫眯 @李天真 @guangyang

作者: dcxg 时间: 20-5-2016 07:20

chubbycat 发表于 20-5-2016 06:18
dcxg 说的很有道理

你妹妹的，太阳打特么的西边出来

作者: chubbycat 时间: 20-5-2016 07:32

dcxg 发表于 19-5-2016 12:20
你妹妹的，太阳打特么的西边出来

你妹是周星星

作者: pud 时间: 21-5-2016 22:02
下面贴一篇前考官帮我写的询问信Dear Sir / Madam, I am writing on behalf of a Chinese friend who is in the process of collecting the necessary documentation to have his qualifications and experience assessed by SSSI as part of the Australian skilled migration process. I have a question about the checklist in the PDF document: "Information form for Assessment of Professional Qualifications". Everything on the checklist seems clear, apart from one item: "Your professional references". This item does not seem to appear on the other list of required documentation which appears earlier in the same PDF. I'm assuming that "Your professional references" is actually the same thing as "At least two written references from employers, members of the profession or, if you are self-employed, from two professional colleagues – plus all referee contact details;", but I would be very grateful if you could clarify the meaning of "Your professional references", in case my friend and I have missed something that needs to be included in his application. Best regards, Dave High

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