啥也不说了 拍吧 大作文 ～

新格咪咪

Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefor, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, the public became to focus on children's education in schools. Some people think academic subjects are more important than other subjects(e.g. , music, sports) because they are play a important role in children's future careers. Personally, I agree with this opinion and I propose that the status of academic subjects should be enhanced with two reasons.

Firstly, the purpose of parents sending child to school is a good future especially a good job. So the lessons in schools should related to the requirement of labor market. Apparently, the country need more engineers and workers than sport stars and singers. Therefor, schools should set more academic subjects to meet the social demand.

Secondly, the fund for education is limited in many countries. The expenditure for sports and music facilities are always expensive. More money spent on other subjects will lead to decrease investment on academic subjects. As a result, students have less chance to learn more knowledge , which is really beneficial to their future careers. That is why I insist the significant position of main subjects should be established.

Admittedly, studying in school is very boring, sports and music can relax students' bodies and ease their mind. However, if students cannot bear such life in school, how can they survive in society when they meet real trouble in future ?

In summary, compared to academic subjects, other subjects are the suppplement, which act a subordinate role in all subjects. Schools should concentrate on the subjects which will help their students to achieve a good future.

我爱polo

咪咪

你这几天是不是现在啥事情不干
天天写作文啊

schinarh

还没时间看太多，有两点疑问：

1：academic subject的意思是“学科”，而music应该也是其中的一种吧？至于题目中后面用的是subject，仅仅是为了避免完全重复才省略了academic。而作文里，似乎把这个academic subject理解为“对工作有用的学科”～

2：expenditure不应该说expensive吧？（第3段第2句）

嗯，还有些其他的疑问，现在没太多时间慢慢琢磨，嘿嘿，俺也要写作文，时间快到了。

新格咪咪

原帖由 我爱polo 于 8-9-2010 22:30 发表

                               
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咪咪

你这几天是不是现在啥事情不干
天天写作文啊

因为我写的比较快。。。  所以就多写写了
而且 更加重要的是  我看 3wu等人的评论 看上瘾了

xiaoping410

3wu今天怎么还没来？
LZ什么时候再烤鸭阿？

koch

咪咪加油，这篇结构感觉不错。
我觉得你写完后可以检查一遍，避免一些粗心造成的失误。
比如：
because they are play a important role 。。。
So the lessons in schools should related to 。。。
the country need。。。

xiaoping410

刚才翻之前的帖子看LZ以前的作文，发现咪咪同学的观点总是很有童真 ，比如在上大学前去工作一段时间，这样可以赚钱，赚了钱上大学可以买书；比如不学音乐美术的学校生活虽然很无聊，但是小时候不忍受这种生活长大了怎么办呢：）

新格咪咪

多谢各位指出错误  
我写的有点上瘾了 一天不写个2篇 还真不行了 。。。。
反正我写的快 。。。 大作文一般也就25分钟搞定了  就是打字要花许多时间 。。 郁闷

3WU

不好意思，昨天看了看，觉得进步不少，没有时间修改。既然大家那么捧场，那我就说两句。

新格咪咪这回文章结构要明朗许多。
只是第三个观点拓展不开，建议多看看别人怎么想例证，这其实就是一种 “伪辩”的能力（通俗点就是：忽悠的能力）。 建议你看看这个网站。
建议看的方法：
1。看题目想观点 3个，每个观点想例证1-2个。（不要着急写，一多看为主）
2。看人家的观点和例证 （他们结构不一定好，但是点子可以吸收）
3。注意积累点 用的好的，关键是容易掌握的词汇词组。 （备考时间和记忆都有限，特不长用的可以忽略）
4。修改别人/自己的语法错误。（考场上只能靠自己，语法问题到时只能自己解决。）
http://www.ielts-exam.net/index. ... id=15&Itemid=28

除了上面说的思路问题以外，剩下的就是严重的语法问题。平时要注意句子里有多少个动词（谓语）。因为那是经常容易犯的低级语法错误。议论文一般不要用将来时。
给你列出错误的句子，还有提示 number of errors，自己试着修改一下：

Nowadays, the public became to focus on children's education in schools. (1)

Some people think academic subjects are more important than other subjects(e.g. , music, sports) because they are play a important role in children's future careers. ( 1  grammar,  1  搭配对象错误)

Firstly, the purpose of parents sending child to school is a good future especially a good job.  （1 搭配对象错误）

So the lessons in schools should related to the requirement of labor market. (1 grammar)


More money spent on other subjects will lead to decrease investment on academic subjects. （1 时态, 1 词性）-议论文一般不用将来时，可是你好几篇文章都用错时态。

That is why I insist the significant position of main subjects should be established.  （establish position?  什么职位？）

Admittedly, studying in school is very boring, sports and music can relax students' bodies and ease their mind. （2 找一下句号该放哪里。。。。bodies  有尸体的意思，也有物理上身体的概念，可没有身心的意思。。考虑一下psychology， physiology, EQ, IQ  这类词）

In summary, compared to academic subjects, other subjects are the suppplement, which act a subordinate role in all subjects.   （1 定于从句中差了一个连接词（conj），或者动词搭配错误， role 通常配 play..）

Schools should concentrate on the subjects which will help their students to achieve a good future.  （1 时态）

[ 本帖最后由 3WU 于 9-9-2010 10:53 编辑 ]

语之玫瑰

啥都不说了，就楼主这精神...
祝下次雅思必过！

森林之王

大作文一般也就25分钟搞定了