第一次练习写作,练了两篇请大家帮我批改一下.谢谢!

janelle1709

School children are becoming far too dependent on computers. This is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills.
Do you agree or disagree?

Computer is one of the most important invention in the 20th century, and with the fast growth of computer population around our lives. People become more and more rely on this new high technology product. Some people are afraid that computer is harmful to children education By using computer, many things can be done automatically, this may effect children's reading and writing skills. However, the rest people think computer can be helpful and children should be familiar with computer the sooner the better.
In my opinion, computers can improve the study experiences for children. People who avoid using computer only look the side effect of it. However, as more and more e-learning software become available in the market, children can study with the aid of interesting sound, graphic, animation and video. Which is more attractive compared with the old school teaching style. In some of the states in USA, schools already get rid of traditional text books, students can read their books directly from the computers. This change does not only reduce the cost of buying paper textbooks, but also provides convenience to the students, they do not have to carry the heavy books to school everyday!
Study with computer is more efficient than study in a class. In old days, students can only learn from teacher in the classroom. They must be fully concentrate on what the teacher is talking and try the best to understand it. But with computers, most of the courses can be taught online, and with the replay function, students can revise the whole teaching session as many times as possible. And the teaching can be conducted anywhere, anytime. The only thing students need is just one computer.
Due to the above reason, I think computer is an important education method for school children, and it should be used as much as possible.







Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

As more and more jobs today become automated, the increasing number of machines brings a big problem for every country in the world, which is lack of energy. Most of the energy we used currently can not be reproduced. Like coal and oil, they might be used up in dozens of years. Most of the governments are trying to tackle this problem and one of the solution is to find alternative sources of energy.
In my opinion, searching for new type of energy is a difficult and time consuming task. Sometimes even dangerous. For example the nuclear energy, improper use of nuclear energy can result great disaster. Another example is corn oil, it seems safe enough. But to transfer corn into oil is actually exchanging food with energy. In recent two years, the global food price increases a lot, which is partially caused by mess production of corn oil. It would be very dangerous to the global economy.
However, there is no way we can get around of this energy problem. To find an alternative resource is not only important but also necessary. We will run out of coal and oil sooner or later. Nuclear is good but requires high technology level for the country, so it is not suitable for all locations. We have to find a replacement.
New sources of energy can be good to the environment. With the development of science and technology, the new energy types that people are looking for are always more safe, clean and reproduce-able, sometimes even more cost effective. By using the new energy we can reduce a great fraction of Carbon Oxygen that goes into the air, and eliminate the green house effect for the Earth.
So even promoting alternative sources of energy can be a hard and slow process for the governments, it should be placed to a even higher priority. Because energy is the key for the future of every nation.

janelle1709

批改一下吧 .

我的霍巴特

批改不了，没那水平。。


只给分，5.5--6.

小波

5分

bill_zmy

鼓励一下，6分。

janelle1709

我想要知道,我在语法和词语使用方法的不足.谢谢.

sunny_ye

个人感觉5~5.5分之间。第一段就有好多错误。
1.  population 主要是人口，不能用在计算机上，我猜LZ想说的是数量，quantity.
2. People become more and more rely on this new high technology product, 这句是明显的病句， become和rely都是动词， 同一个句子用两个动词是比较严重的错误。 你可以说成：
People are increasingly relied on the this new high technology product.

其他的错误请其他同学补充。

rommi

LZ  作文确实还需要练习
这个最多6分