老婆的雅思作文记录贴，求各位指教！谢谢！

tiger20081015

第一篇作文：
1. Some people think the housing shortage in big cities can only be solved by the government. Do you agree or disagree?

The dearth of housing in big cities is increasingly stressful due to the population explosion. Some people hold the idea that the government should be responsible for it but I believe it is far from enough.

Admittedly, there is no doubting that the authorities should assume the obligation for the housing scarcity. In fact, it seems to me that the root cause of housing scarcity is the unbalanced economic and social development around the country. Compared to other cities, the metropolises tend to have more resources, more employment opportunities and better infrastructures, which attract youngsters to rush into them for career development and thereby aggravates the housing shortage. So the local government of the youth's homeland should take measures to promote its advance so as to attract them back from big cities.

Despite that, it is unpractical for the authorities to combat the housing shortage alone since it is a huge financial burden. Seldom can a nation  afford it especially for the countries with a large population, such as China and India. In addition, as the role of the government is to strike a balance in budget allocation of different fields, it should also take account of the investment in medical care, education and social security, which are relatively more important to the citizens' well-beings.

On top of that, for the wealthy who can afford the commercial real estate, it is nothing but a waste of public finance for the authorities to address their housing. Worse still, it may widen the gap between the rich and the impoverished and cause the social instability. Also, the commercial housing better meets the requirements of the wealthy since they are entitled to have more opportunities to choose the location, facilities, area and environment.

In conclusion, the resolution to the housing shortage cannot rely on the government altogether. Instead, it requires the collaboration from multiple sides, including the government, property developers, the bank, and individuals themselves.  

老婆第一次写，求各位大牛指教，看看大概是几分的水平，先多多谢过了！

[ 本帖最后由 tiger20081015 于 23-8-2012 02:49 编辑 ]

tiger20081015

第二篇：
The high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of the advertising but not the real need of the whole society in which they sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

These days, with the proliferation of all types of advertisements, what the high sales of products really reflect becomes a controversial issue. Some people think that hot sales of consumer goods present the huge influence of the advertising but not the real requirement of the entire society where they sell. In my opinion, hot sales are the outcome of both advertisements and the truly demands of the society.

There is no denying that advertisements are really beneficial to products being hot ones. That is firstly because advertisements offer  consumers a convenient channel to get to know new products. In today's world, products are super abundant. Therefore, businessmen have to advertise their products through TV, internet or even billboards, especially when it comes to new product release. Only in this way can consumers' attention be attracted, which is the premise of consumption. Many original advertisements also serve useful purposes for high sales. Products tend to look gorgeous and practical in advertisements, like iPhone and iPod, which arouse customers' desire and leave them unsatisfied if they do not buy them. Furthermore, advertisements screened by movie stars, popular singers and famous sportsmen may contribute to high sales for those who adore superstars, especially some youngsters. The products with star endorsements seem to be too charming to be resisted buying, regardless of their actual demands.

However, vast amounts of sales mirror practical demands of the whole society to some extent as well. In effect, any product's design and manufacture  is to satisfy people's certain demands physically, psychologically and emotionally. And the hot products of course are no exception. Besides, under financial pressures, a great number of individuals often have budgets of their disposable incomes and it is products which truly meet their wants that can let them pay much out of their own pockets.

To sum up, my view is that both advertisements and social needs are indispensable for products sold like hot cakes and we should not simply attribute good sales to just one aspect.

[ 本帖最后由 tiger20081015 于 23-8-2012 02:44 编辑 ]

黄竹子

6分，或以下。
第一篇跑题，第二篇有点不切题。
两篇都有用的奇怪的词。
有语法问题，不多。句式稍有变化。
连贯性还比较好。

青冥揽日

这个副申给力啊, 语言费可以免了,呵呵!

tiger20081015

谢谢！能具体说说问题么？哪里跑题或不切题？奇怪的词是？

黄竹子

先很不具体的说说第一篇。
题目是，只有政府能解决大城市的住房问题。你同意吗？
一般回答应该是，同意，因为政府收了很多税，除了政府以外谁都没钱干这件事。或者政府收了很多税，他们不干点好事我们不答应。
不同意，市场（或者其他任何说得通的东西）能够调节，如果住房真成了问题，有人会自动来投资，有人会离开城市减缓短缺。等等
但是这篇文章分析的第一段是，对，政府是有责任管这个问题。
第二段是，但是政府管不起来，而且太费钱。
第三段是富人不用管，商品房更好。
结论，不能单单靠政府。
不是完全不行，毕竟还是这个话题。但是，第一段和整个结论也好题目也好，是没有关系的，删掉，第二段可以改写成政府解决问题的能力很有限，支持你的主要观点，政府管不了。第三段富人的部分删掉，专门讲商品房，作为市场的一种手段，怎么样可以改善住房问题。
顺便说下，不只是购房才算housing，租房也是很大一块。
推荐这种是否题都写两段，一段正方（你的主要观点），一段反方。正方努力些，反方写两句再转回正方。再加上开头结尾就好了。
推荐一个神贴http://www.hioz.net/ibbs/viewthr ... B%C4%A6%CC%EC%C2%A5
这个贴有狗血有鸡血。很好玩的。

黄竹子

感到奇怪的词

catriel

如果是副申的作文完全没有问题，但要是想要上6，估计有点难。

chainray

第一篇作文

Task Achievement         5

Coherence and Cohesion         6

Lexical Resource         6

Grammatical Range and Accuracy   6

Overall 6

[ 本帖最后由 chainray 于 23-8-2012 16:34 编辑 ]

chainray

第2篇作文

Task Achievement        6

Coherence and Cohesion         6 / 6.5

Lexical Resource         6

Grammatical Range and Accuracy   6

Overall 6

[ 本帖最后由 chainray 于 23-8-2012 16:38 编辑 ]

tiger20081015

讲解的很详细，非常感谢！其实第一篇第一段我想说的意思是大城市住房短缺的原因是年轻人涌入的太多，而这又是因为其他地方工作机会太少造成的。因此政府有责任去解决这种区域的不平衡来缓解住房压力。看起来确实不是很切题。
第二篇不切题是指哪方面啊？