【作文急改 4-21烤鸭】请各位帮忙改作文，谢谢！！！

bfcatfriends

421就考试了，请各位帮忙改一下作文。多谢了！


Task Statement: People prefer to go shopping in the supermarket rather than small shops and local markets. Why has this happened? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

With the rapid development of the commerce, supermarket gradually has become a high priority for many families and households seeking to procure all kinds of necessities in the contemporary society. Despite the fact that many argue that the local stores are preferred due to their convenient locations, I tend to agree that the supermarkets provide more desirable advantages, and at the same time, promote people’s living standard efficiently.

There are many reasons to believe that the supermarkets should prevail over small shops. The primary factor is that the supermarkets provide better selections of commodities than the counterparts. In this sense, the customers can efficiently choose and buy what they need. Another obvious reason is that the prices of products merchandised there often lower than small grocery stores simply because the supply chains of supermarkets buy and sell in big volume and extract good deals from their suppliers. Moreover, the professional after-sales services of supermarkets are able to provide better user experience.

Considering the favorable merits of the supermarkets, they greatly promote the social and economic development. From a social prospective, the supermarkets enormously boost the employment opportunity as a large number of customer executives, managers, accountants are required to run these big businesses. Even from an economic development prospective, the supermarkets play a pivotal role since they enormously revolutionize the international trade. This can be best illustrated with the global supermarket chains, such as Wal-Mart, which not only merchandise domestic products, but import exotic commodities.

In conclusion, in regard to these significant advantages, the supermarkets apparently boost the efficiency and productivity of the individuals and the society as a whole. Thus, should the owners further our supermarkets in the right ways, the human beings could profit from these advantages and improve their well-beings.



[ 本帖最后由 bfcatfriends 于 19-4-2012 21:07 编辑 ]

bfcatfriends

求关心

bfcatfriends

YUEXMA

写的太拗口。而且一些定冠词的使用有语法问题的嫌疑。改一下第一段看看。

Thanks to the rapid development of  commerce, supermarket undoubtedly has become a high priority choice that many families would like to go to procure various household necessities. Although some people argue that local stores are better for shopping due to their convenient location, I tend to agree that  supermarkets have more advantages than local stores.

bfcatfriends

谢谢谢谢！！我在我的word上面改一下。如果有其他的不妥请说出

asxdcfv

挺好啊，6分

bfcatfriends

谢谢帮忙看哦。我要7分以上，否则就算砸了

elin-lu

你的作文老师呢？快让老师帮你改。

bfcatfriends

谢谢挽尊，我只有网上的批改服务，没有什么老师。只有来这里求师了。
remark band7

[ 本帖最后由 bfcatfriends 于 19-4-2012 12:47 编辑 ]

bfcatfriends

大家觉得全文最后一句是不是需要修改呢，因为only太极端。我有这个想法：

原文：Thus, only by further improving the way we manage our supermarkets can we make sure that the mankind can enjoy the advantages of supermarkets.

修改：Thus, should we further our supermarkets in the right ways, the society as a whole could considerably profit from their advantages.

[ 本帖最后由 bfcatfriends 于 19-4-2012 15:14 编辑 ]

stacey918

simon网站不错，LZ可以常常看看

bfcatfriends

谢谢 我收藏了 有空去看啊 哈哈 祝你家的也考出好成绩

bfcatfriends

yrqin的masterpiece也要拜读

http://www.freeoz.org/ibbs/thread-990121-1-2.html

elin-lu

晚些时候查查记录,看看我的老师还有没有欠我批作文的次数,如果有的话把你的大作文发给TA看看.

bfcatfriends

这次考前可能来不及了，赫赫。anyway，我先改一下，然后重贴一下给你。谢谢啊

我在澳洲的blog网站请人改的价格不贵，还有6次作文机会。但是他们改的评语也不是特别多。

elin-lu

大作文的次数好像用完了信还有，你写个信贴我，我给老师改。
我再仔细查查大作文的次数，看看能帮到你么。

bfcatfriends

我把小作文一封信贴在一楼了

elin-lu

看到了，我发给老师改。改完后回你。

elin-lu

刚才和老师确认了一下,还差我至少二篇大作文可以改,不过时间要长些,说要二三天才能改完,我估计有点来不及赶这次的考试了.要不等这次考完后你再练练,然后我发给老师改,行吗?

bfcatfriends

当然没问题，下个月还有一趟考试呢。从长计议要紧啊，英语是一个要长期努力地目标。毕竟也出去谋生的
我考完联系你吧，应该在论坛就能遇到的吧