今天第三篇，求批作文

cskingslayer

Little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why have people done so little about it? How can we solve this problem?

今天练了三篇，没一篇能在45分钟能写完的，都花的比较久，这篇写了一半，感觉理由段写得太大了都不好细化论据，憋了好久才顺清思路继续写下去，哎，求点评，拜谢。

More and more wildlife are going extinction and the trend doesn't revert due to little efforts human have taken. Obviously, human being could not survive solely and live a decent life if animals and plants keep going disappear from the earth. Hence, it is imperative to address the causes of this ridiculous phenomenon and find some feasible solutions.

The most significant reason is that people pursue social development regardless of environment preservation. In order to promote the growth of local economy, many governments especially the developing countries lay too much emphasis on economic development and pay little attention on the environment protection, which results environmental deterioration and eventually leads the extinction of animals and plants. Specifically, the increasing pollution produced by manufacturing industry erodes the living place of animals and imposes a destructive impact on their habitats. Also, the over-exploration of natural resources such as deforestation and tourism poses a threat to the survival of wild lives. With little constraints on such means of development, the survival space for wildlife is narrowing. Consequently, animals and plants are dying out.  As to individual level,  selfishness, greed and interests drive people away from a eco-friendly life style. The one profits from ivory trade would keep on hunting elephant even there is a law prohibiting such behavior.

To combat the problem, it requires a long term efforts of both governments and individuals. Actually,  the government should play a more active role in protecting ecosystem. A delight government should devise a plan of sustainable development, take some initiatives to curb the pollution such as establishing some stringent regulations to punish the pollution producer and strike a wise balance between social development and environment protecting. Also, government have an obligation to educate the civilians to be friendly to nature, by some advertisements or some campaigns. In conclusion, only governments and individuals work together can the severe issue be solved.

YUEXMA

有些句子有点罗嗦。

词汇量很大，牛。

PGKTD

很多词我都不认识，仰慕一下楼主的文采

fht99

大致看了一下，大体思路 还可以。
有些用语的细节可以再improve一下，
下面是我的 一些comments，FYI。
还有一些地方我觉得不是那么native，但是我也不知道怎么样修改才native
共同进步
More and more wildlife are(is) going extinction(it is a noun) and the trend doesn't revert due to little efforts human have taken(effort has been taken). Obviously, human being could not survive solely and live a decent life if animals and plants keep going disappearit's a verb) from the earth. Hence, it is imperative to address the causes(impoper meaning, use issue or matter) of this ridiculous (unsiutalbe meaning.use bad or negative)phenomenon and find some feasible solutions.

The most significant reason is that people pursue social development regardless of environment preservation( I prefer protection). In order to promote the growth of local economy, many governments especially the developing countries lay too much emphasis on economic development and pay little attention on the environment protection, which results in environmental deterioration and eventually leads to the extinction of animals and plants. Specifically, the increasing ( the increasingly worsening )pollution produced(caused) by manufacturing industry erodes (manufactories ruined or destoryed) the living place of animals and imposes a destructive impact on their habitats. Also, the over-exploration of natural resources such as deforestation and tourism poses a threat to the survival of wild lives. With little constraints on such means of development, the survival space for wildlife is narrowing. Consequently, animals and plants are dying out. As to individual level,(what does it mean)  selfishness, greed and interests drive people away from a eco-friendly life style. The one profits from ivory trade would keep on hunting elephant even there is a law prohibiting such behavior.(profits would keep on though......? I didn't get it)

To combat the problem, it requires a long term efforts of both governments and individuals. Actually,  the government should play a more active role in protecting ecosystem. A delight(noun, use wise or farseeing) government should devise a plan of sustainable development, take some initiatives to curb the pollution such as establishing some stringent regulations to punish the pollution producer and strike a wise balance between social development and environment protecting. Also, government have an obligation to educate the civilians to be friendly to nature, by some advertisements or some campaigns. In conclusion, only governments and individuals work together can the severe issue be solved.

cskingslayer

Thanks a lot for your comment.

About the reason of "individual level" I wrote,  actually I want to talk about that some wild species are dying out due to someone's selfishness and greed.   I rewrite it as below:

Moreover,  illegal hunting and exploitation is another critical reason that puts many wild creatures on the list of endanger species. Due to selfishness and greed, some people illegally catch and hunt wildlife such as elephants and whales for high interests even there are laws prohibiting these behaviors.

fht99

Moreover,  illegal hunting and exploitation is another critical reason that puts many wild creatures on the list of endanger species. Due to selfishness and greed, some people illegally catch and hunt wildlife such as elephants and whales for high interests even there are laws prohibiting these behaviors.
恕我直言，感觉有点为了写长句，而重复表达某一意思。 如已经是ilegally 又说laws prohibiting .....
之前你的整个文章也有点类似 的问题。

XUPIPIBA

我也练这个题目了，写了两天才完成，我字数超太多了，404字了。有点晕了。感觉想和实际写差距很大，还得练。感觉楼主稍微有点跑偏，应更侧重写没保护的原因，没保护的后果写得有点多。比如我写的原因是意识还不够强，合作性差，投入少，所以done little。

symeteor

还是老问题。。不要为了字数总是长句。。。简单句和长句结合貌似比较好。。

不过挺羡慕楼主能写这么长。。我总是想半天不知道有啥论据。。。

hiozhioz

asxdcfv

通过学习这个点评，发现原来这个文章的一些地方的表达不是我们常见的表达，因此有点看的比较辛苦的感觉。

原帖由 fht99 于 16-4-2012 01:24 发表

                               
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大致看了一下，大体思路 还可以。
有些用语的细节可以再improve一下，
下面是我的 一些comments，FYI。
还有一些地方我觉得不是那么native，但是我也不知道怎么样修改才native
共同进步
More and more wildli ...