新手求作为批改—G类TASK1

darkbluecharm

我又来了，今天中午在单位抓紧午休时间又写了个TASK1，16分钟，字数225.请大家过目并严格指正，外加评分～

Topic:
You have just arrived in the city where you are going to spend two years for your master‘s degree. You have a lot preparation to do before the new term stars， but you do not know how to go round the city. A friend you have newly acquainted offered you guidance and helped you through difficulties.Write a letter to express your thanks.

Dear kate,
I am writing to express my appreciation to you for what you have done to help me go through problems I have met. As you know, I am a newcomer to be here for two-year study, which is not only a challenge in academic but also in how to live without my family. I cannot imagine how I am going to deal with difficulties without your help at this stage.

Fortunately, I have settled down here and done a lot of preparation for my study. Firstly, I went to local library to check out books what I might need to read for my curriculum, which may widen my horizons on study. Secondly, I have been trying to get accustomed to complicated public transportation system here so that it could not take too long time to get the college, and it would allow me to have more time doing study or other things. Also, what surprised me is that there is a supermarket where my hometown’s snack and food can be bought. That is a really really important for me.

To express my thanks, I would do my hometown’s food on this weekend for you if you are free. By then, we can talk about hobbies, friends and anything we want to communicate with each other. Hope you can be here.

Yours sincerely,
XXXX

darkbluecharm

像上个帖子一样，自己先顶一下，楼下大侠们继续

asxdcfv

嘻嘻，来观摩，个人认为信中没有写你的朋友帮你了哪些忙让你如此感激。

“I am writing to express my appreciation to you”
直接写 Thank you very much, I am so appreciated for your kindly cares, it is so helpful to me as a stranger in this beatiful city. 是否轻松点，可以商榷下。。本人也是菜鸟也。

wendy_wwz

好像没有断句的感觉，念完之后喘不过气了

ecust

没事照题目写一篇, 不知道是什么水平...



Dear Kate,

I am writing this letter to express my appreciation for not only eager help me preparation before new term stars but also let me get better understand of the city.

As you know, I have just arrived in the city and going to spend two years for my master’s degree. I totally have no idea about what I need to prepare for new term and barely recognize the city. Fortunately, I got your help and carry me though. I still remember you had taking me look around the university, introduced me to other classmates, help me better understand courses, etc. Moreover, you take care of my personal life like elder sister, help me found new apartment and wrote guidance for me. That’s so sweet! I found lots of useful information from your guidance even includes a Chinese restaurant nearby my apartment. That’s really helpful! All things you did are really means a great deal to me.

Again, I don't know how I can possibly thank you enough. I would like to invite you enjoy delicious Chinese food with me this Sunday if you are free. Let us spend more hours in pleasant conversation.

Yours sincerely,
XXXX

asxdcfv

"life like elder sister," 亮点。。。原来每人的感情色彩不同哦。。。嘻嘻。

darkbluecharm

原帖由 asxdcfv 于 29-2-2012 23:06 发表

                               
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"life like elder sister," 亮点。。。原来每人的感情色彩不同哦。。。嘻嘻。

哈哈，关注点不同啊

darkbluecharm

原帖由 wendy_wwz 于 29-2-2012 20:46 发表

                               
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好像没有断句的感觉，念完之后喘不过气了

呵呵，确实是哈，下次改

darkbluecharm

原帖由 asxdcfv 于 29-2-2012 20:39 发表

                               
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嘻嘻，来观摩，个人认为信中没有写你的朋友帮你了哪些忙让你如此感激。

“I am writing to express my appreciation to you”
直接写 Thank you very much, I am so appreciated for your kindly cares, it is  ...

确实是，看来我跑题了。。。。你写的比我简洁呢

darkbluecharm

木有筒子继续吗？

kiwi1983

我在 ecust 的基础上，小改一下，希望和大家一起探讨。

Dear Kate,

I am writing this letter to express my appreciation for not only （your eagerness） to help me（ with the preparation） before the new term stars but also（ letting ）me get better （understanding） of the city.

As you know, I have just arrived in the city and（ going ->plan ）to spend two years for my master’s degree. I (have totally) no idea about what I (need-> should do to )prepare for the new term and barely recognize the city. Fortunately, I got your help and (it carried me through). I still remember that you( had taking-> took )me to look around the university, introduced me to (the) other classmates and (help->helped) me better understand the courses, etc. Moreover, you (take ->took )care of my personal life like (an) elder sister,( helping ）me （found-> find) new apartment and (wrote-> writing) guidance for me. That’s so sweet! I found lots of useful information from your guidance, even () a Chinese restaurant nearby my apartment. That’s really helpful! All the things you (did are-> have done) really means a great deal to me.

Again, I don't know how I can possibly thank you enough. I would like to invite you( to) enjoy delicious Chinese food with me this Sunday if you are free. Let us spend more hours in pleasant conversation.

Yours sincerely,
XXXX

asxdcfv

这个批改细心啊

ecust

热烈期盼楼主10号雅思顺利通过啊，有信了来刺激我一下

另  #11 kiwi1983 的批改让我要回去看基础语法了。。。。ORZ