这个月就要考雅思了，但是作文还没怎么练过，这个第一篇，求给位给批改下，多谢啦！

wlly

这个月就要考雅思了，但是作文还没怎么练过，这个第一篇，求给位给批改下，多谢啦。。。。不知道能的多少分，呵呵。


Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others

,however, argue that circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it,

should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these

views and give your own opinion.




The issue of whether each kind of crime should be punished fixedly has sparked off intense

controversy. Some individuals claim that they agree with this view, while many others hold

contrary opinion that the circumstances , motivations and any other related factors should be

taken into consideration while judging crimes. In this essay, I aim at discussing both sides of this

problem and put up my own opinion.


It is undeniable that , to some extent, fixed punishment for each type of crime can indeed

reduce our workload in terms of many respects. To begin with, this fixed pattern can help us to

be less time-consuming and boost the effiency of judging crimes. So ,we will have more energy

to do other meanful and significant things. Besides that, It is unnecessary to spend a large

amount of money in checking the whole process of crime. What we only need to do is finding

out which are the solutions to these kinds of crimes according to the law.


On the other hand, the opponents  argue that fixed punishment is unfair, as judging crimes is a

quiet complicated thing. The most vital we should pay attention to is not only the phenomenon

of crimes themselves, but also the circumstances, motivations and anything relatedly. These

factors can generate a variety of results. If we do not conside them, somebody may be put into

prison incorrectly. What is more seriously, the goverment may not be trusted any more, and

the society will not be safe and stable. Therefore, it is definitely wrong to decide on the

punishment fixedly.


In summary,   I concede that fixed punishment has a few advantages . Nevertheless, I am

convinced that it is not fair and can lead to seriously problems which you may not image.

echox

我觉得lz的论证内容都不怎么好，展开不够详细，主体段一第二点逻辑上感觉也不成立，这个题目小姨十天那个范文还是啥来着我印象中不错去参考下，还有本坛大牛们的精华帖
作文最主要的还是内容和流畅感我感觉

wlly

谢谢哈。呵呵。

但是我看小姨的书，还有一些其它资料都说，文章内容不用profound, 只要reasonable.

echox

原帖由 wlly 于 5-2-2012 19:28 发表

                               
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谢谢哈。呵呵。

但是我看小姨的书，还有一些其它资料都说，文章内容不用profound, 只要reasonable.

你要么再看看顾家北的书
有些东西中西方看法有点差异的，还得看考官心情
还有simon ielts 博客