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标题: 作文真诚求批改---向7分努力~ [打印本页]

作者: billyang 时间: 23-2-2012 01:13
标题: 作文真诚求批改---向7分努力~
Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in a apartment?

Everybody has the right to choose living in a house or apartment. Living in a house, indeed brings numerous amount of advantages. The merits of living in an apartment, however, can not be ignored as well. This essay will argue that the merits and demerits of living in a house or a apartment depend on personal wealth and preference.

It has witnessed there are enormous advantages in terms of cleaning, affordability and children’s growing up for the people who live in apartments recent years. To begin with, it is easy and less time-consuming to clean an apartment, which is extremely convenient for people to do housework. Moreover, average people are able to afford an apartment after saving money for several years, which relatively reduces the living pressure, especially for the poor people. Finally, children can hang out together, who lived in apartments located in the same community. Therefore, it is apt to cultivate their abilities of communication and cooperation, which plays an essential role in childhood.

Living in an apartment, admittedly, has many merits. Whereas, living in a house brings some people tons of merits as well. People lived in a house can enjoy their fascinating gardens or keep a pet playing in it, which is just a dream for poor people who can not afford a house. In addition, the privacy of people can be preserved well since there is sufficient space living in a house.

In conclusion, it is worth to live in house if people are wealthy and care much more their privacy. While living in an apartment is also a good choice for average people earned not adequate money.

作者: billyang 时间: 23-2-2012 12:10
标题: 自己顶一下，加了drawbacks analysis
Everybody has the right to choose living in a house or apartment. Living in a house, indeed brings numerous amount of advantages. The merits of living in an apartment, however, can not be ignored as well. This essay will argue that the merits and demerits of living in a house or a apartment depend on personal wealth and preference.

It has witnessed there are enormous advantages in terms of cleaning, affordability and children’s growing up for the people who live in apartments recent years. To begin with, it is easy and less time-consuming to clean an apartment, which is extremely convenient for people to do housework. Moreover, average people are able to afford an apartment after saving money for several years, which relatively reduces the living pressure, especially for the poor people. Finally, children can hang out together, who lived in apartments located in the same community. Therefore, it is apt to cultivate their abilities of communication and cooperation, which plays an essential role in childhood.

Living in an apartment, admittedly, has many merits. Whereas, living in a house brings some people tons of merits as well. People lived in a house can enjoy their fascinating gardens or keep a pet playing in it, which is just a dream for poor people who can not afford a house. In addition, the privacy of people can be preserved well since there is sufficient space living in a house.

There are also some drawbacks living in an apartment. People’s private space may be disturbed by neighbors. As neighbors live nearly, they might see others private things or events, as a consequence, the unexpected conflicts maybe occur. Empirical evidences show that people are hard to slacken their vigilance against their privacy when living in an apartment, which results in bad relaxation.

Some implied demerits will arise when living in a house. Several floors, as well as Staircase, are required to clean daily, which costs much time and increases the cost of maintenance.

In conclusion, it is worth to live in house if people are wealthy and care much more their privacy. While living in an apartment is also a good choice for average people earned not adequate money.

作者: billyang 时间: 23-2-2012 16:41
标题: 3月10号考试啦作文没找人批过大家多提宝贵意见啊
再顶一下~

作者: fatwu 时间: 23-2-2012 19:13
最好在第一段能给观点。另外，有些语法错误。

作者: fatwu 时间: 23-2-2012 19:15
最好在第一段能给观点。另外，有些语法错误。

作者: YUEXMA 时间: 23-2-2012 19:46
Everybody has the right to choose living in a house or apartment CHINGLISH. Living in a house, indeed brings numerous amount of advantages indeed放最后比较好. The merits of living in an apartment, however, can not cannot 比较好 be ignored as well. This essay will argue that the merits and demerits of living in a house or a apartment depend on personal wealth and preference 为什么这么多同学都喜欢写 this essay will argue/discuss/elaborate xxxxx 呢. 这么写没有错，但是我相信考官一定已经看吐了。

原帖由 billyang 于 23-2-2012 13:10 发表

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Everybody has the right to choose living in a house or apartment. Living in a house, indeed brings numerous amount of advantages. The merits of living in an apartment, however, can not be ignored as w ...

作者: YUEXMA 时间: 23-2-2012 20:11
It has witnessed 不是很明白想表达的意思，而且至少应该是 has been witnessed that ... there are enormous advantages in terms of cleaning, affordability and children’s growing up for the people who live in apartments recent years there are ....advantage..... for the people? 有点不通啊，改成 there are ... advantage for people to live in ....... To begin with 不是已经begin了么？, it is easy and less time-consuming to clean an apartment, which 这个which引导的从句和主句意义基本重复is extremely convenient for people to do housework. Moreover, average 平均？你是想写ordinary ?people are able to afford an apartment after saving money for several years, which relatively reduces the living pressure 不是很肯定生活压力是不是这么写, especially for the poor people. Finally, children can hang out 这个词组比较口语化 together, who 这个从句也很莫名，而且过去式lived更莫名lived in apartments located in the same community 不要盲目追求复杂的句子结构，children living in the same community can hang out together 就已经足够漂亮了. Therefore, it is apt 这个词一般是机灵的意思，不要为了词汇而用一些词的生僻含义，完全可以写成 it will help to cultivate, 或者they will have great opportunities to develop the ability ......to cultivate their abilities of communication and cooperation, which plays an essential role in childhood.

既然是冲7的同学，我就下重手了。重在交流，我也是刚刚到7，如有冒犯，请见谅。

原帖由 billyang 于 23-2-2012 13:10 发表

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Everybody has the right to choose living in a house or apartment. Living in a house, indeed brings numerous amount of advantages. The merits of living in an apartment, however, can not be ignored as w ...

作者: billyang 时间: 23-2-2012 21:07
标题: YUEXMA 确实厉害啊！我也见过你给别的同学改过许多都很到位啊！
向你学习！我也是写的挺少这是在规定时间写的第一篇，看来还是有不少语法错误自己没注意到，还有词用的不够到位且过于追求句子结构的多变，选择了一些不熟悉的词，下次写会多注意这些方面! 万分感谢啊！以后会天天写，大家手下的越重越好！让我长点记性！

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